Husband? Kids?

Friday evening PuppyDogsAndBows called me at work to see if I wanted to go up to Salt Lake with her. Not particularly, but it's a long drive and I figured she was desperate for company, so I agreed. I got home a little after five and we headed straight into rush hour traffic. The normal 45 minute drive took us almost 2 hours. With about 30 minutes left in the drive she said something to the effect of "when you get married..."

"Well," I replied, mainly because she is constantly bringing this up, and I felt like I had better re-address the issue while it was on the table, "I'm not sure I want to get married."

"Yes you do." Oh. Well, put that way, I guess I do. I don't know what I've been thinking all this time! "Don't you want children?"

"I'm not sure if I do or not?"

"Of course you want children!" Well, if you already know the answer why do you ask the questions?

This launched us into a long discussion on how I have to want to get married and have kids, because doing so it an intricate part of our religion. Ok, it is, but there are lots of things that are intricate parts of our religion and there are many good people who struggle with them. Just because I'm not sure if I want to be married or not doesn't make me a bad person.

"Don't you want to have sex? Can you imagine never having sex? Or having true joy? Or being married? Or having kids?"

"Maybe I have had sex before. Maybe I'm divorced, maybe I have kids that I haven't mentioned. Maybe I'm gay."

"No, you're not. You would have told us. It would have come out."

Now, this probably won't come as a surprise to you, dear reader, but apparently she was shocked to learn that I wouldn't tell her everything. Frankly, if I were gay, she would be the last person I would tell. My roommates are really nice girls, and I wouldn't say they are necessarily homo-phobic, but they are certainly not understanding of homosexuality, or remotely sensitive to those who are gay. I've been present for their jokes, and it is not exactly an environment that one would feel comfortable outing themselves in.

She continued to argue that there is no way that I could have hidden my sexuality, a divorce, or children from her.

As we were talking I thought of a good way to (maybe) get her to see my point and took it. "Maybe there are underlying reasons why I don't want to get married that you're not privy to? Maybe psychological reasons. I mean think about it. If I were gay the last thing on this earth I would want to do is marry a man and have sex with him!"

She really didn't like that response. We argued about that for a while, then she said, "You're not gay!" Oh, brilliant argument, tell me what you think I am, how I feel, based on what you are and how you feel. She seems to do this a lot. Finally, I pushed her to the point where she felt she had to ask, "Are you gay, Granola?"

"No, I like men too much to be gay, but that's not the point!" Right, like I would tell her anyway. Um, if I've lived a lie this long, I really don't think that I would have changed anything at this point just because she asked me out-right.

We talked on about how gay people should want to be married to members of the opposite gender (it's ok if you think that this statement is completely insane, I didn't claim it as my own). Her arguments were getting to be more and more inane. Finally I busted out my trump card. The one thing she couldn't argue with: Personal experience. "When I was dating GayPat (yes, I really call him 'GayHisName' — just not to his face) ..."

As it turns out, she feels that she can argue with personal experience, as she demonstrated when she every so politely (where by politely I mean rudely) interrupted me, "You were not dating him!" Like I said before, she seems to tell me what I do and don't do often.

"Yes, we were."

"You were not. You told me yourself that you never kissed him, or cuddled with him. You were not dating!"

Now, I hate to be the one to ruin this little fantasy world she lives in, but there are people out there who get married before ever kissing. Would you presume to tell them that they had never dated? Also, I said we dated, not that he was my boyfriend. I, apparently, have are slightly more firm grasp on the subject than she. "Yes, we were." I maturely argued back. "Oh, and we did cuddle. I never said we didn't. We did all the time, I just never kissed him. And, what do you call it when a guy picks you up from work every day and takes you back to his house where he cooks you dinner and then you spend the rest of the evening together watching a movie and cuddling?"

"You were not dating!" She cried,dodgingg a very obvious question.

"Look," I exclaimed, realizing that she will never accept the fact that I did, in deed, date a gay man for four months, "I don't care if you think we dated or not. Frankly, it doesn't matter to me, and it doesn't change what happened. But, for the sake of this discussion, pretend with me that we did!" Ironically, she firmly agrees with me that despite the fact that there was no ring exchanged and no formal asking, ExOfNote and I were practically engaged. Funny how her tune changes when the male in question is of the correct persuasion. Also ironic is the fact that GayPat has referred to us dating before, as well. This is a fact we are both firmly aware of, and one she won't accept. Ok then.

The argument continued, with mesteeringg it away from my hypothetical homosexuality. Finally we just both shut up. Me because I couldn't care less, and she, because she couldn't be more pissed off. What I really don't understand is why she feels it her responsibility (and how she can possibly presume that arguing with me for 30 minutes is going to change my opinion) to make sure that I change my mind and decide right. this. second. that I am going to get married. I also have a hard time understanding what is so difficult about grasping the difference between, "I'm not sure if I want to have kids" and "I want to not have kids."

Oh, I almost left out my favorite part of the discussion. I said that I didn't think that God would hold my indecision about whether or not I wanted to have kids against me to which she replied, "Well, I want to have sex all the time, so I go out and have sex all the time. But, I don't think God will hold that against me." I tried to explain to her that there is a difference between action and confusion. If I were sure that I never wanted kids and took active measures to prevent myself from ever being able to conceive (I believe I used the term "hysterectomy"), then God may hold it against me (and, as we all know, there are some people who should never have kids. Is God going to punish them for being aware of that fact and making sure that they take actions to prevent it from occuring? I belive not. She, on the other hand, does. I asked.). It's all about actions. Being unsure is not a damn-able offense. Actively acting against what you believe to be true is (presuming that what you believe to be true is, in deed, true).