Unfulfilled Relationships

Lately I've been feeling rather unfulfilled in my relationships, especially with Nanny and Sweetheart. I've been dying to have a deep intellectual conversation with someone (anyone) about something (anything). Unfortunately, neither of these two lovely ladies is up to the task. I do adore them both, they're just not deep intellectual conversation kind of gals.

I was kind of expressing this to MapGuy tonight and he said, "There's kind of a reason I'm not dating Nanny." Followed quickly by insane laughter from my side of the car and his asserting, "I said nothing! You did not just hear me say that!!!" Tragically for her that came just minutes after I expressed the opinion that she was in love with getting married to have him respond, "There's a reason I'm not dating Nanny." Ahh, the guy has shown his hand, and while I knew the cards were in the deck, I didn't know they were in his hand. The funny (funny-ironic not funny-ha-ha) thing about it all is I kind of picture her as being more attractive to guys because she wants to get married and have a family. I guess for him he's more interested in not dating anyone for a long time. Poor guy. His ex really worked him over in a bad way.

Also, today I was craving physical affection. I went so far to say, "Today is a good cuddling day." MapGuy said, "Good thing you're over there!" as I was settling in to my side of the couch. What did I do? Why, I quickly leaned over on him. "Uh, no." was his response, so (well, not 'so' so much as 'and then') I moved back over to my end. It really was a cuddling night. I wish I could just have a cuddle buddy. Like that's ever going to happen again. This evening after dinner (we went over to Sweetheart's for dinner after church) MapGuy brought me home and we ended up chatting in his car for 4 hours. Holy COW! We talked about so many things, and yet, about nothing. The part of me that is craving physical affection wishes that he had initiated some sort of contact. The part of me that has no desire to really be in a relationship that involves more than cuddling is so glad he didn't. I have a feeling that he's not a no strings attached cuddling type of guy. That, and Nanny would murder me if she ever found out.

I've been thinking of trying to have an intellectual conversation with RC, but I don't know how to just initiate one about anything, I can just see it: "Hey, RC, let's have an intellectual conversation." "Uh, ok... whaddaya wanna talk about?" "Oh, I don't know, anything intellectual." "..." Hmm, no.