Two
Recent news reports are declaring that studies are showing that when people enter serious relationships they lose exactly two friends.
Bill and I went to lunch today for the first time in a long time. After a chatting about this, that, and nothing, I mentioned it to him. "Yeah," he said, "well, in my case, you were it."
"'Were,'" I replied. "Past tense." We paused sadly for a moment. Then I went on to tell him that I really hope he's happy and that's what matters. Because, honestly, it's true. I do hope he's happy, and, for him, that's what matters. As we made our way upstairs I told him that I was done with dating, with relationships, with the whole letting people in bit. Because, frankly, when I let people in, I get hurt; and I'm done with getting hurt. Naturally, he tried to talk me out of it. "You know," I told him, "and, I don't even give a rat's ass if that means I end up alone. I'm already alone, it's not like it's changing the status quo or anything." I'm not sure he believes me.
To be honest, I've been there, and I like it better that way. I don't get hurt, and it's easier. Ironically, he's the one who opened me up, who asked me to expose myself and become vulnerable, to need people. And, when I did that's when he hurt me. I don't know how many times he told me that I should need people, and when I needed him, he wasn't there. So, I'm done. I'm done wasting time. I'm done getting hurt. I'm just done.
Later, over im, I asked him if he missed me, or if he was too busy to miss me. He said he misses me, "but it's a matter of time."
I replied, "No, it's a matter of priority. But, it is what it is." He said that he sees me just as much as he sees his other friends. "That's fine. But, selfishly, I don't want to be one of your 'other friends.' Because, frankly, going from best friend to someone you occasionally send lame-ass jokes to, sucks." I also told him that I needed to know where things are with us, because I need to box some things up and put them on the shelf. He protested that he didn't know why I do that. I told him that I need know that when I call someone, they'll be there for me. And if not, then I need to know that, too. "You know how I am with friendships. I hold on to them fiercely, until it's time put them aside, then I do." I know not everyone gets it, but that's the way I am. Friendships have a time and a place, and seldom do they transcend those bounds. I was certain this one would, and it kills me that I was wrong. So, into the emotional box, and on the shelf it goes. And, with that shelving, back come the fortified walls and some additional buffeting, just in case.
Now, how do I get my house key back from him without coming off like a complete jerk?
Bill and I went to lunch today for the first time in a long time. After a chatting about this, that, and nothing, I mentioned it to him. "Yeah," he said, "well, in my case, you were it."
"'Were,'" I replied. "Past tense." We paused sadly for a moment. Then I went on to tell him that I really hope he's happy and that's what matters. Because, honestly, it's true. I do hope he's happy, and, for him, that's what matters. As we made our way upstairs I told him that I was done with dating, with relationships, with the whole letting people in bit. Because, frankly, when I let people in, I get hurt; and I'm done with getting hurt. Naturally, he tried to talk me out of it. "You know," I told him, "and, I don't even give a rat's ass if that means I end up alone. I'm already alone, it's not like it's changing the status quo or anything." I'm not sure he believes me.
To be honest, I've been there, and I like it better that way. I don't get hurt, and it's easier. Ironically, he's the one who opened me up, who asked me to expose myself and become vulnerable, to need people. And, when I did that's when he hurt me. I don't know how many times he told me that I should need people, and when I needed him, he wasn't there. So, I'm done. I'm done wasting time. I'm done getting hurt. I'm just done.
Later, over im, I asked him if he missed me, or if he was too busy to miss me. He said he misses me, "but it's a matter of time."
I replied, "No, it's a matter of priority. But, it is what it is." He said that he sees me just as much as he sees his other friends. "That's fine. But, selfishly, I don't want to be one of your 'other friends.' Because, frankly, going from best friend to someone you occasionally send lame-ass jokes to, sucks." I also told him that I needed to know where things are with us, because I need to box some things up and put them on the shelf. He protested that he didn't know why I do that. I told him that I need know that when I call someone, they'll be there for me. And if not, then I need to know that, too. "You know how I am with friendships. I hold on to them fiercely, until it's time put them aside, then I do." I know not everyone gets it, but that's the way I am. Friendships have a time and a place, and seldom do they transcend those bounds. I was certain this one would, and it kills me that I was wrong. So, into the emotional box, and on the shelf it goes. And, with that shelving, back come the fortified walls and some additional buffeting, just in case.
Now, how do I get my house key back from him without coming off like a complete jerk?
posted by granola girl at 10:30 pm
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