Quandary Response

Today I was reading Mumsy's blog and came accross this post. I started a comment on her blog, but I felt it really needed to be a post on my blog, so I am putting it here.

Mumsy's Quandary, for those of you too lazy to click over to it, is the gay marriage question. Specifically, would she be morally able to attend the ceremony of a gay friend of hers with out giving the union her stamp of approval? As this is a question I have often thought about given the persuasion of some of my friends, I feel qualified to give her advice on this quandary.

Quite frankly, I think that gay marriage is quite a loaded question social and politically. Certainly straight people don't have the whole "sanctity of marriage" thing figured out, as a prime example I would like to cite every Vegas wedding that ends in annulment when the parties involve sober up enough to realize what they have done. Or, barring that, the Brittney Spears 22 hour marriage. And, isn't the whole purpose of marriage supposed to be a formal commitment to each other? Surely there are many partnerships where one or both partners isn't fully committed to the union. What about basic social rights? There are many privileges granted to married couples that are denied unmarried couples, and rightly so, I think. However, when we forbid couples who want to be married is it fair to bar them from the same rights and privileges we grant to those we don't forbid the marriage bond.

Mumsy's quandary, however, is a moral one. I have to look at it from this angle. If I were to get married would I want GayPat there? Could I send him an invitation and tell him that he couldn't bring a guest because the guest he would be bringing would be, undoubtedly, his partner. Wouldn't inviting both of them be perceived as a stamp of approval on their union? How about going to a party they were throwing? Would that be seen as approval? What about going out to eat with them? Or dropping by and hanging out at their house? What if they dropped by my home, would I let them in? All of these activities could be perceived as my giving their union a stamp of approval, however, would I not engage in any or all of them for fear of them thinking that I approved of their being together?

Honestly, if I feel I have to answer “yes” to the last question, then I feel that I would end my friendship with them. It isn't fair to have a half friendship with him, or them. Given that, then what about straight friends who are living with their significant others? If I reject a gay couple because I don't agree with their moral choices, how hypocritical it would be for me to remain friends with a straight couple whose choices I don't agree with or condone.

In the end, I trust that my friends know how I feel about their choices, but they also know how I feel about them as people. If I reject everyone I know who makes different moral choices than I, I shall quickly be out of friends. Partially because I reject them, and mostly because they would reject me. I would be a much different person from the woman I am now. Would I like her? I doubt it. Thus, Mumsy, If GayPat gives me an invitation to his civil union I know I'll be there. If I am not willing to support him in what should be the happiest union of his life what business do I have being his friend in the sad and tough times.