Fiercely Independent
Sine and I have suddenly started having heart to heart conversations. It's slightly odd. Earlier this week he told me that I'm "fiercely independent." While I agree, I think his choice of verbiage is an interesting one. The term 'fiercely' implies that it's something I hold onto almost jealously—as if I'm afraid that something will compromise that independence. Anyway, here's a snippet of our conversation.
Sine:
"I can describe you in two words: Fiercely Independent. I don't know anyone as independent as you. [The girl I dated this summer] is close, but she doesn't really hold a candle to you.. Independence is a good thing, it should be respected.. but unfortunately among most Mormon men, it's not. Most LDS men don't really want an intelligent, independent, witty woman... They want an intelligent, witty when asked, submissive woman..."
So, so, so, true on so, so, so many levels. My reply to that followed in book form as this:
"'Fiercely Independent—that's the second time in as many conversations that you've said that to/about me. Yes, I am independent. And, you're right: I'm probably one of the most independent women you'll ever meet—especially in the Church. I like your summation of what LDS men expect from women, you have no idea how frustratingly true that observation is. Just when I think I've found a guy who might be able to handle being in a relationship with me he goes and lets me down and expects me to submit to him in some undesirable fashion, as if that were my role. That said: I don't want to 'wear that pants' in my relationships. I want to be equally yoked. Both people bring strengths and weaknesses to relationships, your partner should complement that. Sometimes, I want him to wrestle control from me and tell me how it is, and sometimes I want to wrestle the same from him. But, mostly, I want us to be together in the ship. Bailing water simultaneously and equally feverishly when we're taking it on, and paddling at the same rate and in the same direction when we're not."
More than the befuddling part of that 'fiercely independent' statement; I'm really pleased with those last few sentences describing my ideal relationship. Indeed, more than anything, I want to be equals with my partner. Sometimes, I really do want him to wrestle control from me and tell me how it is, and sometimes I want to wrestle the same from him. But, mostly, I want us to be together in the ship. Bailing water simultaneously and equally feverishly when we're taking it on, and paddling at the same rate and in the same direction when we're not.
I should publish that somewhere.
Oh, my entire blog is copy written. Step off.
Sine:
"I can describe you in two words: Fiercely Independent. I don't know anyone as independent as you. [The girl I dated this summer] is close, but she doesn't really hold a candle to you.. Independence is a good thing, it should be respected.. but unfortunately among most Mormon men, it's not. Most LDS men don't really want an intelligent, independent, witty woman... They want an intelligent, witty when asked, submissive woman..."
So, so, so, true on so, so, so many levels. My reply to that followed in book form as this:
"'Fiercely Independent—that's the second time in as many conversations that you've said that to/about me. Yes, I am independent. And, you're right: I'm probably one of the most independent women you'll ever meet—especially in the Church. I like your summation of what LDS men expect from women, you have no idea how frustratingly true that observation is. Just when I think I've found a guy who might be able to handle being in a relationship with me he goes and lets me down and expects me to submit to him in some undesirable fashion, as if that were my role. That said: I don't want to 'wear that pants' in my relationships. I want to be equally yoked. Both people bring strengths and weaknesses to relationships, your partner should complement that. Sometimes, I want him to wrestle control from me and tell me how it is, and sometimes I want to wrestle the same from him. But, mostly, I want us to be together in the ship. Bailing water simultaneously and equally feverishly when we're taking it on, and paddling at the same rate and in the same direction when we're not."
More than the befuddling part of that 'fiercely independent' statement; I'm really pleased with those last few sentences describing my ideal relationship. Indeed, more than anything, I want to be equals with my partner. Sometimes, I really do want him to wrestle control from me and tell me how it is, and sometimes I want to wrestle the same from him. But, mostly, I want us to be together in the ship. Bailing water simultaneously and equally feverishly when we're taking it on, and paddling at the same rate and in the same direction when we're not.
I should publish that somewhere.
Oh, my entire blog is copy written. Step off.
posted by granola girl at 11:53 pm
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