Put Your Behind in the Past

Christmas week ExOfNote emailed me.

This was not, you probably won't be surprised to learn, an eventuality I was ever prepared for.

We exchanged a couple of emails via facebook, but then I didn't reply. Why not? Because I didn't know what to say, or how. What was I supposed to tell him? That he ripped me apart? That it took years to get over him, and I'm not sure I'm fully there yet? That I've moved on—that I had to. That since him I've loved and lost, and loved again?

He finally caught up with me on facebook one evening. We im'ed for a bit, I didn't know what to say, so I kept it casual. We talked about what we had each been up to, career-wise, and where we were living. He didn't remember that I moved to Seattle, and what company I work for. He asked if I had been dating anyone, I said yes. Then we talked about my living situation: two roommates, one boy, one girl. I allowed him to come to the conclusion that Bill and I are more than just friends and housemates. I didn't lie to him, but I didn't clear anything up, either. I wanted him to know that I had moved on, and I wanted him to cut off contact, not the other way around. I had no idea what he would do if I told him I wanted nothing to do with him, but thanks anyway.

As we talked and emailed it became amazingly clear how lucky I am that I didn't end up with him after all. In the last four years he's done less than nothing with his life. It's quite sad, actually.

A couple of days after our chat I discovered that he had unfriended me on facebook (he had just friended me over Christmas). I can't say that I was terribly torn up about it—more relieved. That's a part of my life that is best left in the past.

And, finally, I can say but this: thanks for the closure, baby. I loved you when I knew you, but now that I don't know you, I can't possibly love you. Please move on, I have had to, now it's your turn.