Jerk-Face

My kid sister called me last night to ask me to lend her some money so she could fly out for my graduation. I told her 'no.' The result of that was tears. Not just I'm-upset-at-you tears, but my-heart-is-breaking-and-you-could-help-me-out tears. Through her tears she assured me that she'd pay me back. After we hung up I felt like such a jerk-face, I wanted to call her back and tell her that I would pay for her ticket, even knowing that she probably wouldn't pay me back.

Normally, I would have given her the money, but she has known when my graduation is for a long time, and had it been super important to her, she would have budgeted for it. After all, she budgeted for the unnecessary trip she's taking next weekend. Also, she has to worry about getting time off work, etc, etc, etc. All of this she could have planned for in advance, or, barring that, could make choices right now that would allow her to attend my graduation.

So, while I feel bad, it's not my fault she isn't going to be able to attend. Later, I called a different sister to vent about what a jerk I am. She reassured me that I'm not a horrible person, but geeze-louise -- I sure felt like one; and that irritates me.