Prepare to be a Better Wife and Mother

Today at church we had a lesson on how to prepare to be a better wife and mother. The teacher handed us each a piece of paper and asked us to write down some thing(s) that we can do right now in preparation. I took up my pen and wrote the biggest change I could make in that regard: "Gain a desire to be a wife and mother."

As things are right now, I have no desire to be either of those two things; but as I sat there listening to her, for the first time in I don't know how long, I actually started to feel a bit sad that I felt that way. So, who knows, maybe all of those lessons on the importance of marrying and motherhood have finally started to make a dent in my thick skull.

More likely, however, is that I talked to ExOfNote last night, and we reminisced about our relationship. Those conversations make my heart ache as I remember how close we were to actually getting married, and all the reasons we decided not to.

That line of thinking leads me down another path -- is my lack of desire to marry a direct result of having my heart broken so badly? Or, is it from thinking that I could marry him, but deciding not to? I don't know, actually.