Brass Bands and Trophy Wives

As I sit here in the student u. terrace listening to a quartet of horns play a variety of songs from West Side Story and a smattering of other songs I quietly eavesdrop on the 18 year-old fresh-snob sitting at the table across from me. Thus far her conversation has included the following "sentence": "I don't know, like, it's not going to make him ask you out again, and if he doesn't, like, ask you out again, it's not, like, worth it. You know? Vamos." Ohhh! Deep thoughts from an enlightened mind! I gotta get to know her better. I'm sure she has more deep gems just waiting to be brought to the surface.

This brilliant girl has previous to this passed judgment on the brass band and blissfully thanked goodness that "they don't allow, *edited out for stupidity and lame generalization having no basis in reality*, I mean, you know, this kind of music in church. ‘Cause they're so annoying. And, like, bad."

Sadly, this same woman of dubious intellect is a fellow student at this fair university. It casts a depressing light on our kind, and makes me wonder who her daddy knew in order to get her high school GPA and ACT score high enough to be acceptable for admittance. It makes me cringe to think of the shear waste of space and air that makes up this girl. I mean, really, let's, maybe (just maybe), think about expanding our horizons a little bit. That's why we're at university, isn't it? Oh, wait. Sorry, I was getting confused. We girls are here to find a husband. And, let's just say, she's going to make someone a lovely trophy wife.

Oddly enough, I always wanted my trophy spouse to be cultured and have a brain to show off in addition to just physique. I mean, yeah, hesh may be nice to look at, but I think it'd be more fulfilling to say, "Oh, yes, hesh is a beautiful specimen of perfection. But, hesh is so much more than just looks! I was so proud when hesh finished up shis dual doctorates in a year and a half. And, just wait until you hear shim sing. We’re going to Italy next year so hesh can apprentice for a few years with an Italian Opera-Master. Hesh is so excited!"