Harder Than I Thought
Mumsy called me this morning and sounded perfectly awful. When she managed to tell me why she was calling so early I was shocked. My step-Grandfather had died sometime last night. Happy Freaking Father's Day to us. She didn't know when the funeral is going to be, but would let me know when she found out. I was in shock. I knew he was old, and was going to die, eventually. I guess sometimes we just think they are going to last forever. He was my last living grandparent, and I kept meaning to write to him, or call him. I guess it's too late for that, now. I did write him, occasionally, but I wonder how much of it he really understood. I wonder if it did any good at all.
After I hung up with Mumsy I just started sobbing. I don't know why I have taken it so hard. Then, I had to go to church. I didn't make it through the opening hymn before I had to leave and get a tissue. I taught Sunday School, the lesson was on Doctrine and Covenants 88:118 "seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yea, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith." We had a really good discussion, eventually talking about how important it is to gain knowledge in this life. More importantly, however, we need to not judge people because they don't have knowledge, whether that knowledge is secular or religious. My step-Grandfather was two things, (1) a Southern Baptist; and (2) an old farmer who had no need for "book learning". Ironically, these two things place him squarely in both categories. He was a great man, however. To me he really exemplified so many Christian values, the biggest one being love. He seemed capable of loving anyone and everyone, and overlooking their flaws. He wasn't a complex man, but he didn't need to be.
I have spent the majority of the day being sad. I went through a pint of sorbet (that crap's expensive), and phone calls to most of my siblings. I really should have called my youngest sister, I'm sure she needs the love right now, but I'm too busy being broken up about it to want to comfort her. How selfish am I? Perhaps I'll call her tomorrow when the pain has dulled a little bit.
After I hung up with Mumsy I just started sobbing. I don't know why I have taken it so hard. Then, I had to go to church. I didn't make it through the opening hymn before I had to leave and get a tissue. I taught Sunday School, the lesson was on Doctrine and Covenants 88:118 "seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yea, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith." We had a really good discussion, eventually talking about how important it is to gain knowledge in this life. More importantly, however, we need to not judge people because they don't have knowledge, whether that knowledge is secular or religious. My step-Grandfather was two things, (1) a Southern Baptist; and (2) an old farmer who had no need for "book learning". Ironically, these two things place him squarely in both categories. He was a great man, however. To me he really exemplified so many Christian values, the biggest one being love. He seemed capable of loving anyone and everyone, and overlooking their flaws. He wasn't a complex man, but he didn't need to be.
I have spent the majority of the day being sad. I went through a pint of sorbet (that crap's expensive), and phone calls to most of my siblings. I really should have called my youngest sister, I'm sure she needs the love right now, but I'm too busy being broken up about it to want to comfort her. How selfish am I? Perhaps I'll call her tomorrow when the pain has dulled a little bit.
posted by granola girl at 9:01 pm
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