I Am Womyn, Hear Me Roar

Today MyBoss almost slipped up again and called me Granoly. We've covered this, and he knows that calling me Granoly is hazardous to his health, so he doesn't do it. Every now and again, however, he gets mighty close.

He caught himself, and apologized. Later I asked, "So, what's up with calling me Granoly?"

"I have a cousin named Granola, and she goes by Granoly. The only time I ever heard her called Granola was when she was in big trouble. 'Granola Smith!'"

"Her last name is Smith?"

"Yeah."

"That's funny, my family always teases me about marrying a guy with the last name of Smith."

Quizzical expression.

"Because, my middle initial is 'A', which leads to funny initials. Nowadays, I'd just have every thing monogrammed!" Ok, so if you know me you know what those real initials are, and the first letter of the last name in question. You'll also know that the result of my initials at that point are much more entertaining (and slightly more offensive) than 'GAS'. In fact, the closest example with out giving away all my secrets I can think of is my friend Andrea Sharon, who wants to marry a 'Smith'.

We laughed, and then he said, "Huh. I figured you'd be the kind of woman who went by her own last name, even after she was married."

"Really? Why do you think that?"

"Because of ... uh..." I should note that I had an idea of what he was going to say, but, I wanted to hear him say it, "Uh, the whole feminist thing."

"Because I'm a 'militant feminist'?" I rescued him, just as he was getting up the nerve.

I laughed. Then I revealed something I wasn't sure I wanted to reveal. Which is to say, I told him more than I thought I would be telling my boss, but it was relevant, and he didn't ask any more about it, so that was good.

"Actually," I told him, "my ex-fiancé and I talked about that." Breathe Mom. Breathe. ExOfNote and I were never formally engaged; actually, we were never informally engaged. What we were was talking about things, and semantics. However, that was even more detail than I wanted to go into with my boss. Generally speaking, when discussing things that pertain to how serious our relationship was, etc, I feel at liberty to describe him as my ex-fiancé. I think that after five years of dating and seven years of being in love and six years knowing that if either of us was less stubborn we'd be married, I have every right to call him that.

I went on to explain the compromise that had been suggested by ExOfNote before I fully communicated to him that I would be taking his last name if/when that became a real issue. ExOfNote thinks hyphenating last names is generally lame, unless, the woman is older or well established in her field where changing her last name might have interesting side-effects. However, he understands how sometimes women are attached to their last names. His suggestion, therefore, was not only unique, but rather sweet, I think. He proposed a name swap. The end result would be, I would become Granola Note, and he ExOfGirl. Like I said, unique and sweet. I didn't say anything about being brilliant. I quickly reassured him that I would rather we be Mr. and Mrs. Note, thus guaranteeing any children would be little Notes, not Girl-Note or Note-Girl or anything else heinous.

After hearing this MyBoss thought about it. Then said, "Huh. So you wouldn't keep your last name?"

No. Honestly, I think that's one of the lamest thing feminists do. Some womyn get so wrapped up in that ideal that they view the changing of their last name to a sign of servitude, or subjugation, rather than realizing that it symbolizes their union -- that they have become one. Ok, fine, it is kind of lame that we (as a society) expect women to change their last names, and not men. But there is no rule that says that he can't.

Thus, I once again affirm, I shall become Granola HisLastName upon the fateful day I actually get around to getting married. Unless, of course, his last name is lacking vowels, or has more that two in a row…