Mushrooms, Not Just For Cooking Anymore

My washroom has sprouted mushrooms. This photo wasn't taken at my place, but it might as well have been. Yeah, those have been growing for a few weeks now. My roommate and I have been removing them, but we can't seem to get them all.

In addition to that, our shower hasn't been properly draining for a few months now. Finally I got sick and tired of standing in my own shower water whilst I cleaned the majority of myself (don't get me started on the sanitary issues of baths. ICK!), and pretended to clean my feet, up to mid-shin. Yes, it really was that bad. Thus, in a brilliant stroke of taking matters into my own hands, I went and bought some Drain-o. I poured that down the drain to no avail. So, I bought foaming pipe snake. Two bottles of that later -- still nothing. Correction, now in stead of not draining water would bubble up in the bathtub when the sink faucet was turned on. 2 more gallons of draino and liquid plumber later (that's a total of FIVE, for those who were counting) the problem has only gotten worse. Oh yes. Now, instead of simply not draining, or water bubbling up, we have sludge (that's the delicate term for sewage...) coming up the drain. Oh yeah. Wonderful stuff, that. Actually, the good news is, it doesn't smell. This process took a mere three days. On the morning of day four (sludge came up the morning of day three, as far as I can tell) I skipped my usual morning shower (would you have showered in in? I didn't think so) and called my landlord on the way to work. This was Thursday morning.

Friday afternoon I still hadn't heard from him regarding a plumber. As the holiday weekend was rapidly approaching I called him up. He informed me, "I had a plumber lined up, but he called me about a half an hour ago and had to cancel because his cable [that he uses to snake the pipes] is broken. So, I guess I had better call another plumber, huh?" "Yeah." "Ok. I'll do that and give you a call back." "Thanks." I hung up and immediately called mumsy to gripe about my landlord.

Fifteen minutes later I'm shocked when my phone rings and it's him. "Hey, Granola. So, I called three different plumbers and they all told me that their cables were broken. (I'm guessing that there is only one cable in the city of Provo and all the plumbers share it.) So, finally I called a fourth one, he'll be there Tuesday morning between 10 and 11."

"Tuesday?! That's ridiculous, Landlord! I haven't showed in two days. I'm gross. My shower is disgusting. That's not going to work!" (I was so proud of myself, usually I just think those sorts of things and say the same thing, only nicer.)

"Yeah. So, I'm going to rent a snake from Home Depot and come by Saturday between 8 and 8:30. Will that work for you?"

"Yes. Great. I'll see you then." I knew he wouldn't show up that early, so I didn't even bother to set my alarm. He finally showed up a little after 9.

Now, the access for the main line can be found only in my closet (yeah, I don't get it either), so I had to move all of my clothes out and pile them on a big chair I have in my room. When he was finished I left the clothes there. The plumber I had every intensions of calling would need access to that.

When Landlord left he said he thought he fixed the problem, but if he didn't, and we couldn't wait until Tuesday, we could call a plumber that night. Surprise, surprise, not only did he not fix it, he made matters worse!

I called a plumber. Shockingly enough, the first one I called was able to come out. No broken cable or anything.

When our hero showed up he ran the snake from the washroom sink, and eventually announced he was giving up, as he had achieved nothing. What he really needed, he told me, was to look being the shower at the plumbing. Was there, he hoped, a closet access? No, however, two years ago some plumbers came by to fix something and they had cut an access in the wall from my room to the washroom. Their idea of closing off the access included an 18" X 18" square of thin plastic and four screws. There was only one problem -- I had a bookcase blocking the access panel. We opted to move the bookshelves.

Now, I'm living in college student housing, and have been a student as long as I've lived here. Thus, my shelves were just what you might expect -- boards and cinderblocks. When we went to my room to move the shelves I was going to dismantle them. He thought that was a waste of time, and suggested we just pick up the shelves and move them one shelf at a time. So, the top shelf, a set of cinderblocks, and the next shelf down were what we were moving. Yeah, that failed as soon as the stuff on the top shelf came crashing down all over my bedroom floor. That being neither here-nor-there, we just had to move some books to get the the access panel at that point. Those ended up on my bed. For those of you keeping track, that means that at this point my (formerly clean) room has: all my clothes piled up in one corner, a shelf full of make-up, jewelry, hair junk, photos, etc (and a smattering of books) strewn across the floor, and my bed is covered with books. Oh, I should mention, the shelves are 7' long, so, lots of stuff.

The plumber then proceeds to laugh at the ghetto trash access cover while he removes it. He took one look and said, "Oh! That's your problem. Yeah, this whole thing needs to be replaced. Oh, and this blah, blah, blah thing needs to be replaced."

"So, how long will this take? I mean, like one day, or three weeks? What?"

"Oh, about 1/2 a day to a day, with two of us working on it."

Nice. "And how much will that cost?"

"Somewhere between $600 and $1000. Depending on what has to be done."

So glad I'm not paying for it. "So, will you call the landlord and tell him that it has to be replaced?"

"I'll call him and tell him that it's not up to code, and if I don't see it up to code in a week I'll call the city and have them condemn the place, and he'll lose his license." Landlords have to have a business license in Provo, by the way.

"You'd do that?!"

"Yeah, I've never done it before, it'd be fun to see his reaction."

I think at this point I asked him if I could kiss him, but I'm not sure. Basically, the only thing that lights a fire under Landlord's a-- is to threaten him with BYU or the City.

After our hero departed I called Landlord to give him the good news. I didn't tell him everything that the plumber had said, but he got irate nonetheless. He couldn't believe how unprofessional the plumber was! How dare he tell that sort of thing to the tenants and get them all worked up. Um, you want to talk unprofessional? How about mushrooms in the washroom? How about a tub not draining? How about not taking care of these things in the 24 hours that Provo declares you have before you're in big trouble? That's unprofessional.

I gave him the plumber's number and said he should call him and talk about everything. He hemmed and hawed and told me he doubted the place would still be open. "It's a 24 hour service. They're still open." Yeah, but the guy may not still be working. "He left my house 30 minutes ago to go on another call. He's still working." murmur murmur murmur. I doubt he called the guy. Then, after all that he had the audacity to say to me, "So, I guess this has been a serious problem in the making and it didn't really show it's head until the last two or three days." "No, remember when the guys came out 2 years ago and cut that hole in my wall? That was for the same problem. And, when they snaked the pipes last summer, that was for the same problem." "No, I try to have the pipes snaked every year because of the roots that grow into them." Don't get me started on the roots. "No, you had them snaked last summer because I called you about this same problem. It's been an on going issue." "Oh." That man is as dumb as a pile of rocks.

I talked to ExOfNote Sunday night about the issues. He just so happens to be a third year apprentice plumber. Oh yeah! I told him the blah, blah, blah parts of what the plumber said, and his reply was, "You have a thus-and-such?" "Yeah." "Those are illegal!" Apparently, the thus-and-such was grandfathered in, but generally it's out of code for residential units. Oh bother.

Landlord did, however, call me today to tell me that the plumber was coming by tomorrow, and to make sure I'd be here. No, actually, I won't be, and, I can't take time off work to deal with it. Frankly, I assumed that he had cancelled the plumber because we had that other guy come out. Guess not. He then asked about my roommates and if they would be home. No, turns out they have jobs, too. How about the girls upstairs? They're both employed, too. Then, he asked, if I would be comfortable with letting the plumbers in with no one here? Abso-freaking-lutely not! Not after the guys he had over here two years ago. Those guys were so creepy, I think they probably went through my underwear drawer while they were here. Nope. Non. Nyet. No plumbers are coming in my house with out someone here. "Oh. Well, what time do you usually get home from work." "5:30" "Great, well, maybe we can reschedule with them for then." Ok, fine. As long as someone is here. In all actuality, however, I really hope that Landlord has to take time off from his precious job to come down here and sit with a plumber and be told just what I was told. Yeah, right.