Congratulate Me, I'm Engaged
The last week of last semester I was cleaning my bedroom when I ran across a ring that had belonged to my grandmother prior to her death. It is a very tinny gold and the center stone is huge! The ring itself is slightly large on me, but sometimes it's fun to wear anyway. Did I mention the whole package is more than kind of ugly? Yeah, anyway...
So I wore the ring one day, because I could. My lab buddy, at the time, saw it and was in shock. "Um, Granola?" He asked, "Is that real?" "Yeah!" Here we could say that I meant "Yeah, the ring is real, but the engagement it seems to be implying isn't." That's not what I meant at all. I was sure that this would make for an entertaining hour, until I decided to reveal the truth of the matter. My lab buddy, however, felt the need to complicate things. He knows me well enough to know that my humor often includes lying, and then immediately revealing the truth. Mostly, it's fun to tell people ridiculous things. I straighten things out quickly because I'm not a malicious liar, and it's easier to remember the truth than the details about some lie I told. Mark Twain was on to something here. Thus, LabBuddy's level of belief was about nil. In fact, he told me straight out that he didn't believe me, and he wasn't sure he was going to be able to believe me on this one, especially since I hadn't mentioned that I was dating anyone. I believe that was his fatal mistake -- never challenge this girl to convince you to believe anything. I'll do it, trust me.
LabBuddy asked my fiancée’s name. I gave him the first name that came to mind, sort of. First, I had to sift through guys that I used to date -- we've discussed these boys, and he's vaguely familiar enough with most of them that he knew why (generally) none of them had worked out. I also had to pick someone I knew intimately enough that I could give honest descriptions. In all my years of lying I've learned this fundamental lesson: The key to a believable lie is to base it on the truth as much as possible. (Erm, feel free to not compare me with Satan at this point, m'kay?) Thus, I became engaged to SuperHotFormerCoworker (which, for the record, is highly implausible, but if I had to be engaged to someone it might as well be he).
LabBuddy seemed ok with this, but, let's face it: you can make up any name you want, that doesn't mean a thing. He wanted more details though. How'd we meet? What's he look like? Is he a CS major, too? No, ISys (thank goodness, if he were a CS major that'd only make matters potentially worse). Where is he from? Where does he live? What are his post graduation plans? Let's pause here -- is anyone else thinking it's a good thing I know all this information about SuperHotFormerCoworker? When under interrogation it's really hard to not have your lie based on someone. I probably would have blurted out something stupid and given myself away. Back to our story. After all these, successfully answered, questions, LabBuddy asked the one question I was dreading -- "How did he propose?" I'm terrible at making up proposal stories (yes, I've pulled this prank before...), I think they are so personal to the couple that I have yet to find a believable "stock" proposal that I can use across the board. So, I did what any sane, desperate, person would do, I stole and mutated my roommate's engagement story.
"Well, Saturday morning he came over and took me out to breakfast."
"Where?"
"Denny's. *haha*" (Erm, anyone know any respectable restaurants in Provo that are open for breakfast?
"He did not propose to you in Denny's?!"
"HAHA! No! We had breakfast, then we went back to my house where he got down on one knee and -- blah blah blah -- said some sweet things, then asked me to marry him."
"Oh. Ok."
Later, LabBuddy would confess that it was the Denny's part that convinced him that I might really be engaged. He he he. This carried on for a long time, then our BrunetteGirlLabBuddy showed up; she noticed the ring and started grilling me, too. Here's where it is important to point out that had I not based the entire entity of my fiancée on someone I would have been screwed. I noticed LabBuddy paying attention to what I told BrunetteGirlLabBuddy trying to catch me in inconsistencies. Oh, also, just as a hint, when using this technique, do not fix the flaws of the other person that drive you nuts. It's those flaws that make them real. By the end of the evening LabBuddy still wasn't sure he believed me, which necessitated that this charade continue.
Oh, prior to all of this drama BlondGirlLabBuddy had noticed the ring and asked me about it. I told her the truth. So, as I was trying to convince LabBuddy, BlondGirlLabBuddy was sitting across the way laughing at us. When BrunetteGirlLabBuddy showed up, she asked BlondGirlLabBuddy if I was really engaged. I may always love BlondGirlLabBuddy for her response, "With Granola, you never know!"
The next day the charade continued, LabBuddy still didn't believe me. So I had to keep it up the next day. After two days of this LabBuddy, BlondGirlLabBuddy, BrunetteGirlLabBuddy, and AnotherGirlInTheMajorWe'reFriendsWith and I were all in the lab studying. I was talking to LabBuddy about things, he asked if I had seen SuperHotFormerCoworker that day (he wasn't sure when I made time for our relationship because I was always in the lab, a key factor in his believing me, I think) I said, "No, he's really cramming hard on his final project. We probably won't see each other until tomorrow." At this point BrunetteGirlLabBuddy turns to AnotherGirlInTheMajorWe'reFriendsWith and says, "Oh, did you know Granola is engaged?" She was surprised and asked to see my hand. I pretended that I hadn't heard the exchange and held up my right hand for inspection. "No, your other hand." So I held up my left hand, palm out, for her to look at. "No, the other side." I showed her the ring. She asked when I was going to break the news to her. Ok, this was getting a whole lot out. of. hand. I had to resolve this issue soon. I determined that the next day would bring the truth. Meanwhile, we spent a portion of the day talking about how I would have never chosen this ring for myself, and it belonged to his dead grandmother, which is why I haven't told him how un-pretty I thought it was; but maybe for our fifth wedding anniversary I'll have the stone reset into something more in keeping with what I like.
Wouldn't you know -- I saw none of the aforementioned individuals for the next 3 days. When I finally saw LabBuddy I broke the news to him. He laughed at himself (because I had finally truly convinced him of my pending nuptials). Then asked: "Seriously? You're seriously not engaged?"
"Yeah, I'm seriously not engaged. Never was, not to him. The ring was my grandmother's."
"So, who was SuperHotFormerCoworker?"
"Oh, someone from my last job."
"So you're really not engaged?"
"Yeah, no."
"Good, 'cause that ring was ugly."
So I wore the ring one day, because I could. My lab buddy, at the time, saw it and was in shock. "Um, Granola?" He asked, "Is that real?" "Yeah!" Here we could say that I meant "Yeah, the ring is real, but the engagement it seems to be implying isn't." That's not what I meant at all. I was sure that this would make for an entertaining hour, until I decided to reveal the truth of the matter. My lab buddy, however, felt the need to complicate things. He knows me well enough to know that my humor often includes lying, and then immediately revealing the truth. Mostly, it's fun to tell people ridiculous things. I straighten things out quickly because I'm not a malicious liar, and it's easier to remember the truth than the details about some lie I told. Mark Twain was on to something here. Thus, LabBuddy's level of belief was about nil. In fact, he told me straight out that he didn't believe me, and he wasn't sure he was going to be able to believe me on this one, especially since I hadn't mentioned that I was dating anyone. I believe that was his fatal mistake -- never challenge this girl to convince you to believe anything. I'll do it, trust me.
LabBuddy asked my fiancée’s name. I gave him the first name that came to mind, sort of. First, I had to sift through guys that I used to date -- we've discussed these boys, and he's vaguely familiar enough with most of them that he knew why (generally) none of them had worked out. I also had to pick someone I knew intimately enough that I could give honest descriptions. In all my years of lying I've learned this fundamental lesson: The key to a believable lie is to base it on the truth as much as possible. (Erm, feel free to not compare me with Satan at this point, m'kay?) Thus, I became engaged to SuperHotFormerCoworker (which, for the record, is highly implausible, but if I had to be engaged to someone it might as well be he).
LabBuddy seemed ok with this, but, let's face it: you can make up any name you want, that doesn't mean a thing. He wanted more details though. How'd we meet? What's he look like? Is he a CS major, too? No, ISys (thank goodness, if he were a CS major that'd only make matters potentially worse). Where is he from? Where does he live? What are his post graduation plans? Let's pause here -- is anyone else thinking it's a good thing I know all this information about SuperHotFormerCoworker? When under interrogation it's really hard to not have your lie based on someone. I probably would have blurted out something stupid and given myself away. Back to our story. After all these, successfully answered, questions, LabBuddy asked the one question I was dreading -- "How did he propose?" I'm terrible at making up proposal stories (yes, I've pulled this prank before...), I think they are so personal to the couple that I have yet to find a believable "stock" proposal that I can use across the board. So, I did what any sane, desperate, person would do, I stole and mutated my roommate's engagement story.
"Well, Saturday morning he came over and took me out to breakfast."
"Where?"
"Denny's. *haha*" (Erm, anyone know any respectable restaurants in Provo that are open for breakfast?
"He did not propose to you in Denny's?!"
"HAHA! No! We had breakfast, then we went back to my house where he got down on one knee and -- blah blah blah -- said some sweet things, then asked me to marry him."
"Oh. Ok."
Later, LabBuddy would confess that it was the Denny's part that convinced him that I might really be engaged. He he he. This carried on for a long time, then our BrunetteGirlLabBuddy showed up; she noticed the ring and started grilling me, too. Here's where it is important to point out that had I not based the entire entity of my fiancée on someone I would have been screwed. I noticed LabBuddy paying attention to what I told BrunetteGirlLabBuddy trying to catch me in inconsistencies. Oh, also, just as a hint, when using this technique, do not fix the flaws of the other person that drive you nuts. It's those flaws that make them real. By the end of the evening LabBuddy still wasn't sure he believed me, which necessitated that this charade continue.
Oh, prior to all of this drama BlondGirlLabBuddy had noticed the ring and asked me about it. I told her the truth. So, as I was trying to convince LabBuddy, BlondGirlLabBuddy was sitting across the way laughing at us. When BrunetteGirlLabBuddy showed up, she asked BlondGirlLabBuddy if I was really engaged. I may always love BlondGirlLabBuddy for her response, "With Granola, you never know!"
The next day the charade continued, LabBuddy still didn't believe me. So I had to keep it up the next day. After two days of this LabBuddy, BlondGirlLabBuddy, BrunetteGirlLabBuddy, and AnotherGirlInTheMajorWe'reFriendsWith and I were all in the lab studying. I was talking to LabBuddy about things, he asked if I had seen SuperHotFormerCoworker that day (he wasn't sure when I made time for our relationship because I was always in the lab, a key factor in his believing me, I think) I said, "No, he's really cramming hard on his final project. We probably won't see each other until tomorrow." At this point BrunetteGirlLabBuddy turns to AnotherGirlInTheMajorWe'reFriendsWith and says, "Oh, did you know Granola is engaged?" She was surprised and asked to see my hand. I pretended that I hadn't heard the exchange and held up my right hand for inspection. "No, your other hand." So I held up my left hand, palm out, for her to look at. "No, the other side." I showed her the ring. She asked when I was going to break the news to her. Ok, this was getting a whole lot out. of. hand. I had to resolve this issue soon. I determined that the next day would bring the truth. Meanwhile, we spent a portion of the day talking about how I would have never chosen this ring for myself, and it belonged to his dead grandmother, which is why I haven't told him how un-pretty I thought it was; but maybe for our fifth wedding anniversary I'll have the stone reset into something more in keeping with what I like.
Wouldn't you know -- I saw none of the aforementioned individuals for the next 3 days. When I finally saw LabBuddy I broke the news to him. He laughed at himself (because I had finally truly convinced him of my pending nuptials). Then asked: "Seriously? You're seriously not engaged?"
"Yeah, I'm seriously not engaged. Never was, not to him. The ring was my grandmother's."
"So, who was SuperHotFormerCoworker?"
"Oh, someone from my last job."
"So you're really not engaged?"
"Yeah, no."
"Good, 'cause that ring was ugly."
posted by granola girl at 9:11 am
2 Comments:
What ring is this? I thought all of your grandmother's rings were butt-ugly! lol
--mom
*cough* Allow me to reiterate: "Did I mention the whole package is more than kind of ugly?"
Oh? You mean, how is this different than most of my grandmother's rings? It will pass as an engagement ring. Oh, and it's the only one I have of hers.
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