You've Got to be Kidding Me
As per habit, I am perpetually signed into my instant messenger, even at the office. My profile has my city listed, and that's it. Apparently, that is titillation enough, and massive amounts of men send me messages, sight unseen. While I find this habit amusing at best, it can be down right offensive at worst.
Last week I received a message from someone, and, (again) per habit, I checked his profile before replying. The guy was "married and looking" so I closed the window and ignored him. Apparently he didn't get the message, because today he sent me another message. I took it upon myself to share a little insight with him.
Normally people posting these sorts of exchanges bore me, thus I understand completely if you want to skip this post. Otherwise, read on:
For the curious, his profile can be found here.
michaels_agency: Hi , my name is Mike, I am 30 and live in Orem UT, I am looking for a friend with benefits and I would really love to chat with you, I you would like I can send you some pictures, please let me know what you think, I hope to hear from you soon
Me: Yeah Mike, Here's what I think: (1) I didn't reply the first time you sent me this *exact same* message, maybe there was a reason? (2) Sure 'nough, the reason is YOU'RE MARRIED! I'm not into sharing spouses, and shouldn't you be working on trying to save that rather than looking around for another piece of a--? (3) Grow some balls. If you want out of your marriage -- get. a. divorce. Cheating is seriously not cool, and monumentally un-sexy. (4) If you want NSA-sex, first you have to lose the strings (you know, wife, etc...) (5) get a life or at the very least troll in a "married but looking" chat room rather than just im-ing every woman in the area who is online.
ME: Um, I think that about sums it up. Did I leave anything uncovered? Or, do you need clarification on any point?
michaels_agency: I understand, and thanks for writing me back, so how do you get on a married but looking chat room?
ME: Um, yeah, clearly you failed to comprehend the gist of that message. So I'll say it really slowly: I'm. NOT. going. to. help. you.
ME: if you can't figure it out on your own you're s.o.l.
michaels_agency: I see, and thank you, you have been knid to me, thank you
Somehow he defines that as "knid." I, on the other hand, define it as Cranky. Hello! People like that piss me off. Why can't he keep it in his pants or, at the very least, look for someone else who is looking. I mean, really, does he honestly think he's going to find a willing participant very rapidly by spamming the entire female population of Utah County? Prick.
Last week I received a message from someone, and, (again) per habit, I checked his profile before replying. The guy was "married and looking" so I closed the window and ignored him. Apparently he didn't get the message, because today he sent me another message. I took it upon myself to share a little insight with him.
Normally people posting these sorts of exchanges bore me, thus I understand completely if you want to skip this post. Otherwise, read on:
For the curious, his profile can be found here.
michaels_agency: Hi , my name is Mike, I am 30 and live in Orem UT, I am looking for a friend with benefits and I would really love to chat with you, I you would like I can send you some pictures, please let me know what you think, I hope to hear from you soon
Me: Yeah Mike, Here's what I think: (1) I didn't reply the first time you sent me this *exact same* message, maybe there was a reason? (2) Sure 'nough, the reason is YOU'RE MARRIED! I'm not into sharing spouses, and shouldn't you be working on trying to save that rather than looking around for another piece of a--? (3) Grow some balls. If you want out of your marriage -- get. a. divorce. Cheating is seriously not cool, and monumentally un-sexy. (4) If you want NSA-sex, first you have to lose the strings (you know, wife, etc...) (5) get a life or at the very least troll in a "married but looking" chat room rather than just im-ing every woman in the area who is online.
ME: Um, I think that about sums it up. Did I leave anything uncovered? Or, do you need clarification on any point?
michaels_agency: I understand, and thanks for writing me back, so how do you get on a married but looking chat room?
ME: Um, yeah, clearly you failed to comprehend the gist of that message. So I'll say it really slowly: I'm. NOT. going. to. help. you.
ME: if you can't figure it out on your own you're s.o.l.
michaels_agency: I see, and thank you, you have been knid to me, thank you
Somehow he defines that as "knid." I, on the other hand, define it as Cranky. Hello! People like that piss me off. Why can't he keep it in his pants or, at the very least, look for someone else who is looking. I mean, really, does he honestly think he's going to find a willing participant very rapidly by spamming the entire female population of Utah County? Prick.
posted by granola girl at 10:54 am
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