Founded
This morning I learned that my fears yesterday were well founded. MyBoss (now, MyFormerBoss) came into my office and delivered the bad news. I'm afraid I held it together as long as it took him to cover all the necessary unpleasant details. After he left I cried as I packed. He did reassure me, however, that he was certain I wouldn't have trouble finding another job.
Everyone on my team stopped in to say goodbye. At least I know I'll be missed. Some of them didn't quite know how to say it, but, then, neither did I.
RayOfSunshine was also layedoff -- at least he expected/wanted it. One other guy on my team got it too. I hope he's ok.
As I was leaving I went to almost everyone's office to say a final good bye. I stopped in and talked with RayOfSunshine. We said our good byes, then shook hands and I turned to leave. He called after me, "A hug would be ok, if you want." "I want." I said as I wrapped my arms around him. You never know who will be ok with that sort of contact.
Next I went to see Carnivore. We said our good byes, and I went to shake his hand. He took mine, then said, "Come here," as he, too, hugged me.
I really wanted to say good bye to MyBoss, now that I had time to totally lose it, as well as GoateeBoy. Neither could be found. I decided that I would take a box down to my car and then return for the remaining box and computer bag and look for them then. I took my first box down and was not unsurprised to see a local TV crew filming the event. Luckily for me, I was the only person in the parking lot, so I got filmed. I went back into the office and asked the receptionist to ring me in, since MyBoss had to take my id badge and key as soon as I got the news. She told me she had to sign me in, and asked my employee id number. I told her what I thought it was, but, I added, I'm not sure, and it doesn't really matter anyway. "Doesn't really matter?" she asked, "As in, you're not coming back?" "No. No, I'm not." She buzzed me in, and I went back to recover my remaining items.
As I was returning to my office -- my former office -- I saw MyBoss and GoateeBoy walking down the hall. I asked for help in grabbing the last two items. MyBoss said of course, and GoateeBoy came along. I kind of wanted to ask MyBoss what I could do better in the future, but I didn't know how to ask in front of GoateeBoy. Perhaps it's for the best.
As I walked out the front door for the last time the receptionist called after me, "Good bye Granola." I had no idea that she knew my name. That touched me. I mean, even if she just looked it up with my id number, she still didn't have to do it.
After we reached my car, and put the boxes in the back I shook hands with MyBoss and GoateeBoy. Then MyBoss said the thing I needed to hear from him the most, simply, he looked at me with respect and kindness in his eyes, and sorrow and regret in his voice as he said simply, "My friend." I wanted to hug him, to thank him for the opportunity I had to work with him, to let him know I understand that it wasn't an easy choice. I did none of those things. I shook his hand back, and smiled feebly. Then I shook GoateeBoy's hand, and they wished me luck, I think, then walked away.
I climbed in my car and broke down. As I was driving out of the parking lot the camera man from the TV crew was crossing the road in front of me. He looked at me, my face all red, looking I'm sure, just as terrible as I felt. He smiled sadly, waved me luck, and I drove off.
After I got home I went to talk to the dorks next door. Only one was home, but he listened to me as I cried and poured out my emotions on him. Eventually I left. He hugged me before I went, I didn't want to let go. I just want someone to hold me, to pet my head and tell him it will all be ok. I know it will. I have to believe it will. I just don't know how.
Following the conversation with the neighbor I went home and called Mumsy. She called Dad and my little sister to let them know. I also called a friend of mine who happens to be a high-tech head hunter. The message I left on his phone went something like this, "Hello, this is Granola, formerly with BigNameCompany. blah blah blah." When he returned my call he didn't even have to ask.
Additionally, one of my cousins is married to a man who works for the same company. After she got the news that he made it through she called me. I really appreciate that.
I had hoped that I would be able to avoid the chopping block, but, I knew. Knowing, while it maybe half the battle, it doesn't make it any easier.
PuppyDogsAndBows came home and I guess our other roommate told her that I was in my room crying. She knocked on the door, and when she came in I said simply, "I don't want to talk about it." "But," she asked tenderly, "it did happen?" "Yes," I nodded. She left me then.
I don't know what I'm going to do. Nor, where I shall go. All I do know is, I am going on my holiday on Friday and I'm going to have the best damn time ever! I'm so excited, I just need to get this out of my system, and I'll be ready once again.
Everyone on my team stopped in to say goodbye. At least I know I'll be missed. Some of them didn't quite know how to say it, but, then, neither did I.
RayOfSunshine was also layedoff -- at least he expected/wanted it. One other guy on my team got it too. I hope he's ok.
As I was leaving I went to almost everyone's office to say a final good bye. I stopped in and talked with RayOfSunshine. We said our good byes, then shook hands and I turned to leave. He called after me, "A hug would be ok, if you want." "I want." I said as I wrapped my arms around him. You never know who will be ok with that sort of contact.
Next I went to see Carnivore. We said our good byes, and I went to shake his hand. He took mine, then said, "Come here," as he, too, hugged me.
I really wanted to say good bye to MyBoss, now that I had time to totally lose it, as well as GoateeBoy. Neither could be found. I decided that I would take a box down to my car and then return for the remaining box and computer bag and look for them then. I took my first box down and was not unsurprised to see a local TV crew filming the event. Luckily for me, I was the only person in the parking lot, so I got filmed. I went back into the office and asked the receptionist to ring me in, since MyBoss had to take my id badge and key as soon as I got the news. She told me she had to sign me in, and asked my employee id number. I told her what I thought it was, but, I added, I'm not sure, and it doesn't really matter anyway. "Doesn't really matter?" she asked, "As in, you're not coming back?" "No. No, I'm not." She buzzed me in, and I went back to recover my remaining items.
As I was returning to my office -- my former office -- I saw MyBoss and GoateeBoy walking down the hall. I asked for help in grabbing the last two items. MyBoss said of course, and GoateeBoy came along. I kind of wanted to ask MyBoss what I could do better in the future, but I didn't know how to ask in front of GoateeBoy. Perhaps it's for the best.
As I walked out the front door for the last time the receptionist called after me, "Good bye Granola." I had no idea that she knew my name. That touched me. I mean, even if she just looked it up with my id number, she still didn't have to do it.
After we reached my car, and put the boxes in the back I shook hands with MyBoss and GoateeBoy. Then MyBoss said the thing I needed to hear from him the most, simply, he looked at me with respect and kindness in his eyes, and sorrow and regret in his voice as he said simply, "My friend." I wanted to hug him, to thank him for the opportunity I had to work with him, to let him know I understand that it wasn't an easy choice. I did none of those things. I shook his hand back, and smiled feebly. Then I shook GoateeBoy's hand, and they wished me luck, I think, then walked away.
I climbed in my car and broke down. As I was driving out of the parking lot the camera man from the TV crew was crossing the road in front of me. He looked at me, my face all red, looking I'm sure, just as terrible as I felt. He smiled sadly, waved me luck, and I drove off.
After I got home I went to talk to the dorks next door. Only one was home, but he listened to me as I cried and poured out my emotions on him. Eventually I left. He hugged me before I went, I didn't want to let go. I just want someone to hold me, to pet my head and tell him it will all be ok. I know it will. I have to believe it will. I just don't know how.
Following the conversation with the neighbor I went home and called Mumsy. She called Dad and my little sister to let them know. I also called a friend of mine who happens to be a high-tech head hunter. The message I left on his phone went something like this, "Hello, this is Granola, formerly with BigNameCompany. blah blah blah." When he returned my call he didn't even have to ask.
Additionally, one of my cousins is married to a man who works for the same company. After she got the news that he made it through she called me. I really appreciate that.
I had hoped that I would be able to avoid the chopping block, but, I knew. Knowing, while it maybe half the battle, it doesn't make it any easier.
PuppyDogsAndBows came home and I guess our other roommate told her that I was in my room crying. She knocked on the door, and when she came in I said simply, "I don't want to talk about it." "But," she asked tenderly, "it did happen?" "Yes," I nodded. She left me then.
I don't know what I'm going to do. Nor, where I shall go. All I do know is, I am going on my holiday on Friday and I'm going to have the best damn time ever! I'm so excited, I just need to get this out of my system, and I'll be ready once again.
posted by granola girl at 2:52 pm
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