Freak Out

Tonight I spent the evening updating my resume. Anyone know of any good companies hiring software testers?

Around midnight (or, 3am his time) InternBill signed on. I said 'hi' and expressed (for the second time in two days) that I was working on my resume.

"This sucks." I declared.

Then, the unexpected happened. He kind of freaked out on me. "Once again," he declared, "girls suck."

I tried asking him what was wrong only to be completely stonewalled with comments like, "it doesn't matter," "don't worry about it," and "I'll talk to you later."

I asked him who she is, and what she's done to hurt him, but he wouldn't tell me—very much unlike him.

I started to wonder if he was talking about me. The few times I've mentioned leaving he's asked me not to, and told me not to, and tried to come up with reasons why I should stay. The problem is: he's never indicated that he is hoping to pursue anything once he gets back out here, so I'm always left to wonder if he just wants me to stay so he has a friend, or if he wants me to stay so he can maybe have a girlfriend.

Then, he committed the biggest im tell of all: he said my name.

You may think this is nothing, but I've learned over the years that when someone takes the time to type out your name in instant messenger (even if your name is a whole two letters long), that there's something more going on. So, while you might read, "Don't worry about it, Granola." I read, "Don't worry about it. Holy crap there's so much I want to say right now and I don't know how to say it all, or what to say, or even if I should say anything at all."

I fear that the only thing to do is to have that conversation. You know the one, it goes something like this, "So, um, do you like me, like me? Or do you just like me?" And then, you have to be prepared to act on the result. No matter which way the cards fall. Which can be scary as hell.