To Go, or Not To Go

A long one tonight. I thought about breaking it up, but changed my mind. Enjoy. This has been one helluva week for me.

Monday I told my boss that I had been offered and accepted a position with InternetCompany in Seattle. He was a little surprised — understandable, since I kept a tight lid on it — and said what he could: "Well, I'm sorry to see you go." We discussed when my last day would be and some other things.

At lunch I was talking to my friend and told him what had taken place. His response, "Well, I'm sorry to see you go, too, but you need to do what's best for you."

Tuesday came and my boss was out in the lab chatting with us. After a bit he said, "Hey, Granola, I've got some tools I'd like to talk to you about." His body language indicated that I should follow him. We headed to his office, and when we got there he held the door for me and said, "After you." This means only one thing: the door is getting closed behind him.

I walked in and took a seat. Sure enough, he closed the door before heading around his desk to take a seat. He sat down, shifted to get comfortable, and as he was doing so I laughed and said, "Oh no! I'm getting fired!"

"Quite the opposite." He said, crossing one leg over the other, "What can I do to convince you to stay?"

I laughed, a bit nervously, and said, "It's a lot of money!"

"Yeah, but it's not all the money."

"No, no it's not."

"So, what would it take to get you to stay? What would make this job better?"

I explained that I am a coder — that's what I like, and certainly what I'm not doing.

He nodded, this was not a new complaint from me, then went on to out line his business plan and some funding/contract information that he requested that I "please, don't pass on." In the end, he said, "And, perhaps putting myself in a bad position as far as negotiating goes, you're the only person here who has the skills to lead this team where I want to take it."



I looked at him in shock as all of this took place. Finally, I mustered up the strength and will power to say, "Uh. In all honesty, this is not an eventuality that I had planned for. It's taken me by surprise, frankly."

"I hope so! I hope this came as a surprise to you, just as your announcement came as a surprise to me. If you couldn't tell, you did such a good job keeping the fact that you were even interviewing other places under wraps that when I asked on Monday why you missed Friday I was digging for more information."

"Yeah, I know."

"If I had known you were looking I would have been more actively engaged in keeping you around."

I smiled. That's life, isn't it. I've always considered it poor form to flaunt the fact that you're looking else where in the face of your employer, but it sounds like he would have preferred it. "Well," I said, "I really don't know what to say. Can I think about it for a few days?"

"Absolutely! To be honest, I'm glad you said that. I mean, it's better than '*pffftt* Hell no! I'm out of here!' and I would have been worried had you said, 'Oh yeah! I loooove you guys!!!!' So, no pressure. Take your time."

"Well," I replied with a smile, "there is a certain amount of pressure. I mean, if I've got to decide with InternetCompany pretty soon here. You know?"

"Yeah. Let me know what I can do."

We wrapped up the conversation, and as I was leaving his office he called after me, "I'll buy you a pony!" Uh, I think I've failed to mention: early on in my employment there was a joke about buying me a pony, so for Christmas he bought me a My Little Pony. Hilarious, actually.

"You already did!" I called back with a laugh. So much to think about.

At lunch I was talking to my friend about it. He laughed at the offer. Oh yeah, like I want to stay!

I expressed to him that in all honesty, I don't really feel like I've been a huge contribution to the team. I mean, there are so many days when I feel like a monkey at a keyboard, and any other monkey could do my job.

Then, he told me something that I think people don't hear enough, "I think you're a huge part of the team! You're responsible for all of our big-ticket defects! With out you we wouldn't have found them. No, you're not just a monkey at a keyboard. I'm sorry to see you go, too. But, I don't blame you."

In thinking about it, I know he's right. I am the best tester on the team. And, I've used this job to beef up on some of my skills. With that said, it's time I moved on.

However, I promised, so I did what any good little Mormon girl does, I prayed. I told the Lord that I had already decided on InternetCompany, and then this happened, and what should I do? I've done a lot of praying these past few weeks. In the end, I decided that this was too good of a career move to pass up. So, I resolved, I would tell him today.

Near the end of the day my boss came over and sat down next to me, "Isn't this tool you're using a hoot?"

"No." I said with a smile.

"So, are you going to stick around to help us out with this?"

I was hoping to do this in the privacy of his office, but he beat me to it. "No." I said softly. "I'm sorry. I've done a lot of thinking about it, and in the end, I think that this is a better career move for me. But, I want you to know, I really did think about it."

He nodded as if to tell me that he 'believed' me. So, I looked him right in the eyes and said, "Really. I promised you I would think about it, and I've done a lot of thinking over the past few days. I really am sorry."

"Well," he said, "I understand. I'm disappointed, but I understand."

Honestly, I'm sorry I disappointed him, but what I do is a job what I'm going to be doing is a career. And that, kids, is the way it is.

There are a few things that really stick out to me:
a) I know that I'm the best tester on the team, it's good to see that my boss sees it, too;
b) I've made the company look really good a number of times;
c) Clearly my boss knows what a valuable resource I am, otherwise he'd let me go much more readily than he is; and
d) With all of the above in mind, I'm really glad I pushed them to pay me more than they wanted to. I mean, the woman I talked to in HR actually told me that I was getting paid really well at BigNameCompany and she was surprised. In her opinion, actually (and she really told me this), I was over-paid. The down-side of that, she explained, is that it creates a sense of value that may not be accurate, and if I really felt that I am worth that amount then that's great, but there is no way they could pay me that. Well, sweetheart, InternetCompany and BigNameCompany both obviously feel that I am worth that kind of cash, otherwise I wouldn't be able to get it. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

In the end, I feel really comfortable with this move, and I think it's what I need to be doing and where I need to be going.