[FREE] Rhubarb

Here in Seattle we have a community of farmers who put together a basket full of fresh produce every week throughout the summer. You sign up and pay for it, then the basket is delivered weekly to your place of work. Since I eat mostly vegetables I was excited to learn about this. What I wasn't so excited to learn, however, was that my basket contained rhubarb. Last week I decided to try rhubarb pie. It's still sitting in my fridge. When I got my basket today I was sad to see that the rhubarb had made a reappearance.

So, I decided to post it on the company-wide for-sale email list. I was plesantly surprised to see how many people were interested in it! Below you will find a short email exchange which contains the real reasons why I didn't want the rhubarb.

Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 10:58 AM
Subject: [FREE] Rhubarb

Seriously. I'm afraid of rhubarb (it's a vegetable, not a fruit, why do people insist on treating it as such?) and I got (even more) in my market basket today. Someone take it off my hands. Please!

4 or so ribs. I didn't really count. I was just sad to see it there.

You pick up from my office today.

Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 11:02 AM
Subject: RE: [FREE] Rhubarb

Who knew, there's a demand for rhubarb! Keep your eyes open next week, if I get any more I'll post it again.

Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 11:33 AM
Subject: RE: [FREE] Rhubarb

sorry but I couldn't stop myself from laughing at the fact that seeing a vegetable made you sad :)
what's wrong with rhubarb?

Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 12:03 PM
Subject: RE: [FREE] Rhubarb

I was sad because I don't want to waste food, and I paid for it, and wasting food that you pay for is even worse than just throwing your money away. I toyed with the notion (briefly) of giving it to a homeless shelter or something, but it's not one of those vegetables that is easily added to whatever happens to be boiling away. It requires more preparation and thought.

As for what's wrong with rhubarb: let's approach this logically

1. It is a plant.
   
2. It is a vegetable.
   
3. Given (1) and (2) it is not a fruit.
   
4. It looks like red celery.
   
5. The only way I know to turn celery red is to soak it in a cup full of red food coloring.
   
6. Red food coloring is usually made from bugs (not even making this one up).
   
7. I do not eat bugs.
   
8. Given (6) and (7) I do not eat red food coloring.
   
9. Given (5) and (8) I do not eat red celery.
   
10. The only thing I know to do with rhubarb is put it in a pie.
    
11. Pies are generally made from fruit or some sort of dairy-based product (allowing for cheesecake and chocolate mousse, etc)
    
12. I can't think of a single real pie made from vegetables.
    
13. Shepard's pie is not real pie.
    
14. Even if I could think of a pie made from a vegetable I can't think of a vegetable that I would want to eat in pie form.
    
15. Given (11, 12, 13, and 14) vegetables do not belong in pie.
    
16. Given (2 and 15) rhubarb does not belong in pie.
    
17. I am a logical being.
    
18. Given (10) and (16) we must logically conclude that people who eat rhubarb are not logical beings, as these are contradictory.
    
19. Given (4 and 9) and (17 and 18) I cannot eat rhubarb.
    

Other than that, ain't nothing wrong with rhubarb. ;)


Interestingly, later someone posted this to the for-sale list:
Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 3:18 PM
Subject: [FREE] More Rhubarb

Since Granola had so much luck with her rhubarb I thought I would post mine here.

Pick up from my office.