Attitude Issues
I've now snapped at Bill twice—in two days.
Yesterday it was about going camping. We made tentative plans, providing the girl he wanted to ask out didn't say yes. He didn't get a hold of her, so I tried to pin him down for some more solid plans.
He said he couldn't go until Saturday afternoon at the earliest. Well, I'm sorry, but I nearly never take a Sunday off, and if I do, I'm certainly not going to waste it on a 1.5 (if we're lucky) day camping trip. Thanks, I'd rather go to church. So, I told him as much (and, honestly, in a similar tone). Then I provided solutions to take care of the things he was going to have to do Saturday morning. He essentially said that he would just rather take care of them on Saturday. Fine, but we're not going camping. So, I offered to take Cyclist's oncall for the weekend (which, it turns out he no longer needs, so that's nice). I ended up quickly apologizing for jumping down his throat, but really, I can't be all nice all the time. I have to stick up for what irks me.
Today it was about him marking his territory, though I didn't say it in so many words. We were talking about me maybe taking a job elsewhere. I told him I wasn't going to take the proffered job, to which he replied, "good." I asked him if he had a prepared list of reasons why I shouldn't. I was told, "No list, I'm here, that's reason enough." This is the second time this week he's said that, so I replied with "Oh, I didn't realize I have to plan my life around you." I continued, "Maybe if we were dating that would have some sway, but were not, so sorry, dude, you're out of luck." We were able to joke out of that one, but I really felt like he is trying to have his cake and eat it too, and, I'm sorry, but I'm not his wing-chick.
I talked to Sine about how I feel about Bill 'marking his territory' as it were, and his brilliant words of comfort were, "We're guys. That's what guys do—mark their territory. Maybe you should figure out why he doesn't want to date you and work on that. This witty (I think he means sarcastic) approach doesn't seem to be getting you anywhere."
No, it sure doesn't. But, frankly, my retort wasn't witty—it was frustrated. So, maybe the conversation that needs to happen should really be: "Ok, so, I know I said I wasn't interested, but things have changed, and now I am. I know you don't reciprocate, that's fine—hell, that's life—but I can't be the girl that you talk with about other girls. Oh, and if you don't want me, you've got to stop behaving like we're together. You act as if you're marking your territory, and I'm not down with being peed all over." Yeah, something like that should go over swimmingly.
Yesterday it was about going camping. We made tentative plans, providing the girl he wanted to ask out didn't say yes. He didn't get a hold of her, so I tried to pin him down for some more solid plans.
He said he couldn't go until Saturday afternoon at the earliest. Well, I'm sorry, but I nearly never take a Sunday off, and if I do, I'm certainly not going to waste it on a 1.5 (if we're lucky) day camping trip. Thanks, I'd rather go to church. So, I told him as much (and, honestly, in a similar tone). Then I provided solutions to take care of the things he was going to have to do Saturday morning. He essentially said that he would just rather take care of them on Saturday. Fine, but we're not going camping. So, I offered to take Cyclist's oncall for the weekend (which, it turns out he no longer needs, so that's nice). I ended up quickly apologizing for jumping down his throat, but really, I can't be all nice all the time. I have to stick up for what irks me.
Today it was about him marking his territory, though I didn't say it in so many words. We were talking about me maybe taking a job elsewhere. I told him I wasn't going to take the proffered job, to which he replied, "good." I asked him if he had a prepared list of reasons why I shouldn't. I was told, "No list, I'm here, that's reason enough." This is the second time this week he's said that, so I replied with "Oh, I didn't realize I have to plan my life around you." I continued, "Maybe if we were dating that would have some sway, but were not, so sorry, dude, you're out of luck." We were able to joke out of that one, but I really felt like he is trying to have his cake and eat it too, and, I'm sorry, but I'm not his wing-chick.
I talked to Sine about how I feel about Bill 'marking his territory' as it were, and his brilliant words of comfort were, "We're guys. That's what guys do—mark their territory. Maybe you should figure out why he doesn't want to date you and work on that. This witty (I think he means sarcastic) approach doesn't seem to be getting you anywhere."
No, it sure doesn't. But, frankly, my retort wasn't witty—it was frustrated. So, maybe the conversation that needs to happen should really be: "Ok, so, I know I said I wasn't interested, but things have changed, and now I am. I know you don't reciprocate, that's fine—hell, that's life—but I can't be the girl that you talk with about other girls. Oh, and if you don't want me, you've got to stop behaving like we're together. You act as if you're marking your territory, and I'm not down with being peed all over." Yeah, something like that should go over swimmingly.
posted by granola girl at 10:19 pm
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