Ultimately

"I think the reason you and Brisk have never made a move on each other is because, ultimately, you don't want to end up with each other."

This theory, offered, unsolicited, over a plate of spice Moroccan rice, has given me some pause for thought this last week.

At the end of the day, do I want to "end up" with Brisk? Probably not. There's a high likelihood that we'd kill each other.

More than that, though, it has made me wonder with whom I want to end up.

I don't recall ever looking at a man I was dating or interested in and thinking "I could grow old with him." Or, "I want to raise his children." Or, perhaps even more telling, "I can see us together for longer than a few years." Every man I've ever dated has come with an expiration date—a time past which I couldn't see us together.

What does that mean? Am I ultimately destined for a life alone? How will I someday know that the person I'm with is who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with? Is that what people mean when they say "I just knew"? Clearly, for me, there's a difference between loving someone and seeing myself grow old with him, so will I ever "just know"? I guess, at the end of the day, it makes the heartbreak of failed romance hurt less—I don't see my entire future crumble, just those few years or months until we passed the date clearly stamped on the box.