Dilemma

I worked from home today. I could have gone in, but I didn't want to, so I didn't. At 1:10 I got an email from Musician. Well, correction, I got an email from him on the mailing list that I'm on regarding the concerts he coordinates. So, he was back at the office. Apparently, he wasn't that thrilled with my lunchtime offer, or else, I suppose, he might have called me to invite me to dine with him. Doesn't matter, really, I was home.

Is that a sign or am I reading too much into it? I really don't know. Gah! I hate being a girl about things!

In other, unrelated, news, I need a friggin' car, and I need it, like, now!

Back Off, Sister!

Ninja, Lurch, and I hung out tonight. We were lounging at Lurch's place waiting for the movie to start when Ninja turned to me and asked, "So, are you going to Musician's thing on Friday or Saturday?"

I believe I may have left you uninformed, my dear readers: Musician is in a Jazz band—the boy plays quite the sax, so I hear—and said band has two gigs this weekend. I have been invited to both. As has, apparently, Ninja.

"Yeah."

"Which?"

"Well, I really want to go to the event that's going on Saturday, so I may just go to that one, anyway, but I am definitely going on Friday. You?"

"I thought I would go on Friday."

Lurch, feeling left out, chose then to pipe-up, "What are you guys talking about?"

"Musician's band is playing two gigs this weekend," I informed him, before turning back to Ninja, "You wanna go together on Friday?"

"Yeah, totally."

Looking back at Lurch I informed him, "We're going to this Mexican restaurant in Seattle on Friday. You're coming."

He agreed.

So, now, back to the immortal words of the Middle English poet Sir Suhk, "Crap!"

I hate that I like him. Suck, suck, suck.

And, Still, More Snow

Currently we're having an ice/snow storm. That's right kids. Here, in Seattle, where if it ain't rainin' we ain't happy, it's icing. And Snowing. It is currently snowing on the island on which I live. It is expected to keep up for the next several hours before either (a) raining, or (b) freezing.

I'm working from home tomorrow. I don't care if I can get in. I'm not.

Snow Day

Given the inclement weather half of Seattle commuters decided to stay home. Not that I can blame them—people in my office were complaining of 5 hour commutes home last night.

Around lunch time I was lonely and bored, so I called Musician to see if he wanted to grab lunch together. Halfway through my message it suddenly occurred to me—he was undoubtedly one of the 50% who stayed home. Oh well. He never called me back. I've decided to not call him until he next calls me. I was going to go to the concert he is organizing this week, but I think I'm going to skip it, since I am going to listen to his band (Cuban jazz) play at their regular gig on Friday. I hate playing the "game", but I think with this one I'm going to have to.

Speaking of which: around 2:30 Ninja called me to see if I had gone to work, and if not did I want to get together and do something? She was trying to organize a group, so I gave her the names of everyone that I knew had stayed home from work, conveniently leaving out Musician. I felt a little underhanded, but not enough for a full disclosure. Had she asked, I would have told her that I was unaware either way, as I hadn't talked to him today. Total and complete truth. Sort of.

Who'da Thunk

Can you believe it? We've had snow for the past three days! Yippy!!

I was beginning to become convinced that I was never going to get the Christmas spirit (it just isn't Christmas without snow), and then whump justlikethat snow! I was so excited I felt like a little kid again.

Now, it's officially Christmas.

Sleigh bells ring are you listening? In the lane snow is glistening...

Freaking Genius

Over dinner on Wednesday I was relating a story to Musician and as an aside I said, 'don't even start with me! I'm a freaking genius!'"

He stopped me, "really?"

Suddenly uncomfortable I told him that I don't really like to talk about my IQ, and, anyway, I was saying it more as a general-make-a-point than literally.

Why am I embarrassed about it? Why does my level of intelligence unsettle me?And, now, why am I concerned that I may have done the job too efficiently and have him believing that I must not be, based on my protests.

Thanksgiving Dinner

Lurch and LittleBrother have invited everyone in our group to their parents' home for Thanksgiving. Since all of my other friends are doing the holiday with their families, I'm pretty much the only one with nowhere to go. I readily accepted (though, this last week I've been tempted to just politely express my regrets and stay at home and 'art' all day).

Tonight Lurch called to confirm. He wanted to leave at 10:30 am, then I reminded him of the amazing!! deal that Amazon will be running on the XBox 360, which will, undoubtedly, sell out in well under five minutes. The sale starts at 11 am PST and goes until 11:02 am PST (I predict). The discount, in case you live under a rock, or, you know, don't care about game consoles (oh! me! Me! Pick meeeee! (that is, I don't care, I just happen to hang out with geeks, so I know)) is 1,000 XBox 360s for $100 each (they retail at $300). He changed our departure time to, "A little after 11."

He went on to inform me that we weren't actually having dinner at his parents' home. Rather, we shall be dinning with some multi-millionaires. "So," I asked, "This means: leave the jeans at home?" He hadn't given it much thought, but eventually concluded that to do so might not be a bad idea at all. We decided that the ratty 'Boston' t-shirt was right out. Grand. Thanksgiving dinner and I can't just dress nice casual. I'm going to have to go nice casual. Though, any more, jeans are rapidly making their way into appropriate nice attire. I shall wear slacks.

Thank goodness I know how to eat properly! Mumsy will be thrilled to know that the most egregious sin I'm likely to commit is to spill something down my front—which is pretty much a given anyway.

Exhaustion

I was so tired after shopping that I came home and went straight to bed. I slept for 4 or 5 hours and only awoke when Mumsy called me. Who knew that was such hard work.

My He-what?

Musician and I went car shopping today, as promised. Actually, good things happened today. I shall recount.

My office phone rang at 12:17 this afternoon. The number wasn't internal, and I didn't recognize it. This is kind of odd, but not outofthisworld odd. I picked it up, "Good afternoon, this is Granola."

"Hey Granola," came the voice on the other end of the line, no identification, just a greeting.

"Hey," I replied, then waited for more.

"This is Musician."

Turns out, he was bored and since most people had taken the day off he was getting nothing accomplished, so he wanted to cut out early. I was equally bored, and getting just as much done. I quickly rearranged my one meeting of the day, told my boss I had errands, and would work from home, and I was out of there.

We grabbed lunch (I paid as a 'thank you'), then headed out. I drove 3 cars, Subaru Forrester, Kia piece-of-junk-suv, and a VW Passat wagon. Yeah, I think I'm going to end up with a wagon, which, frankly, surprises even me.

At the Kia dealership we were sharing an umbrella since it was, you know, raining. His umbrella happens to be massive so I felt no need to use my own. This didn't stop the dealer from offering me one. I thanked him and said that's ok, I'd share. Musician's response was pretty classic, "I'm her 'he-bitch'." Said label was repeated a few times including when the dealer asked me what kind of car I drove and I replied quite honestly, "None."

"How do you get around?" He queried.

"I told you," came the reply, but not from me, "I'm her 'he-bitch.'" He didn't seem to be complaining. In fact, each time it was said with a smile.

We had a great time together. Man, I think I like him again. grrrr! Lameness!!!!

My Catalyst

I think that I was allowing myself to get too excited over Musician. Since he went on a date with one of the coolest women I know, Ninja, I think I have been forced to pause and look over things. Yes, I was definitely too excited about him. Now, I'm back to the "Meh, whatever" stage. Good? Yeah, I think so. It's nice to have me back in my brain and my 'girl emotions' gone.

All in the Family

Lurch, LittleBrother, and I went to the usual restaurant for post-FHE dinner tonight. We sat there, enjoying each other's company, laughing and generally having a blast. LittleBrother did something stupid and we ribbed him for it, "Hey!" He said to me, "What are little brothers for?"

I laughed and had to agree. Silently a part of my came to the realization that I am their sister. Nothing more, and nothing less. I'm their sister, and I'm perfectly happy with that role. I can't think of a better relationship to have with either of them, nor can I think of a better description. When Lurch and I go to the movies together it's far more familial than date-like, and really, we're not there to be on a date, we're just having fun.

The interesting thing is: no one in the ward has asked us about our 'relationship.' Kind of odd, not objectionable, just strange for a singles ward.

Emotions

I want to take tomorrow off work and spend the whole day painting and playing cello.

I get this way when I experience complex emotions. It's good to have them back. I hate that I think a boy is the catalyst this time.

Maybe I'll return to hermit-dom and utilize those emotions for art instead.

Yet More Car Shopping

Wednesday Musician and I are going car shopping. I've decided that I'm going to buy a car. I need one. I'm tired of not having one. And, all this constant car shopping crap is driving me nuts!

Now, if I could stop focusing on the fact that he took out Ninja and just worry about the fact that we're going out again I might be a bit more excited, again.

Mystery Date

Musician had a date on Friday. No, he didn't tell me, I just knew. Actually, what he did say was that he had 'plans' on Friday. I quickly surmised that it was probably a date, and that's just fine. I mean, givemeabreak!, I asked FlyBoy out for Saturday, surely I can't hold Musician to a different standard. I assumed she was some lovely girl from his previous ward. Lurch and I chatted about it last night and I told him that I hope that Musician had a great time on his date, and I wasn't going to ask for more information, since I certainly don't want him asking for more from me.

Tonight I had some friends over for games and hanging out. Ninja (previously mentioned here as the Relief Society president—she happens to have a black belt in Karate, in case you're curious as to her name) came over as did Nanny, Lurch, Network, another girl who at this point really needs a name, and a friend of Network's. We had a good time playing games, etc. At one point Nanny felt the need to tease me about Musician. I laughed it off and moved on.

Eventually it came time for friends to leave. I walked Ninja out to her car and she said, "So, we need to talk. We haven't talked in a while, and we need to talk."

"Sure. What's up?"

"So I went on a date."

"Oh yeah? With who?"

"Uh, Musician." She said kind of hesitantly.

"On Friday?"

"Yeah. You knew?"

"I knew he had a date, I just didn't know with whom. Now, I do."

We went on to have a 10-20 minute conversation about what a great guy he is, etc, etc, etc. At the end of the conversation she said that she would go out with him again if he asked her.

"Good!" I told her. "He's a really awesome guy!"

We wrapped up the conversation and I went inside to the rest of my waiting friends.

So, now is the time for some serious internal introspection. Am I bothered by this? Am I jealous? Do I wish he had asked me out instead of her? Instead of anyone else? Do I wish he had asked me out at all? Do I wish he had asked out someone other than her?

Frustratingly enough I have reached the following conclusions:
1) I'm glad he asked her out. She is a really awesome woman!
2) I'm glad they had a good time.
3) I hope he doesn't ask her out again.
4) Actually, I think I'd like it much better if he would ask me out again.
5) I like him. More than I want to.
6) Crap.
7) Double crap.
8) Crap! Crap! Crap!!!

Vapid

Yesterday while I was thinking about Nanny and Sweetheart I was allowing my stream of consciousness to drive the internal dialog. At one point I noted that, while I adore them both, their conversations are supernally vapid. Wait. I said to myself, vapid? These are your two closest friends at the moment. Can you really describe them as 'vapid'? I decided that I needed to look it up in the dictionary before labeling my friends with such a lovely term. I kept forgetting. Tonight Nanny came over and we were chatting and then my internal dialog kicked into overdrive, She really is kind of vapid, you know. It told me. She is not!, I argued back. It persisted. Finally, I said to her, “Oh! That reminds me, sorry. There was this word I needed to look up.”

“What word?” she asked.

“Vapid.” I replied typing it into dictionary.com. “Ah! Here it is!” I exclaimed, triumphant. “Vapid: ...dull or tedious...'” I read. “Yup.”

She asked me why I needed to look up the word. “Oh,” I replied casually, “I was using it to describe someone the other day and wanted to make sure I had the right definition before I used it.”

“Who?” She asked unsuspectingly.

“Just this girl I know. Her conversations are so vapid!”

“Uh. Ok.” She replied, and moved on to the next vapid point. I don't think it's a good thing when one starts mentally calling their closest friends 'vapid.' And certainly not when the name-calling is repeated.

Auto-spell Checker

I sit here logged into my Linux partition (erm, Mumsy, that means I've got both Windows and Linux on my computer, and I've logged into Linux). As I type I notice that certain words are being underlined with a lovely dotted red line. What is this? I ponder. Why, it's OS specific auto-spell checker. That's right folks! My operating system is spell checking as I type. What does this mean? The end of clicking 'check spelling' on emails, and blog posts. Why? Because it's already automatically turned on for me! Now, I just need to teach it words like 'blog' and 'w00t'. Heh. Just kidding. Apparently it already knows 'w00t'. I love geeks!!!

Not!

FlyBoy called this morning to confirm our outing this afternoon. Previously he had told me that he was going to invite some people to come, which I was totally ok with&mdah;make it a little less of a formal date. When he called he asked me if anyone else was planning on coming with us. I said, no, they are all pansies. "Ok," he said, "So I guess it's just the three of us." (Sunday he had introduced me to a friend of his who he said was planning on coming, I guess he still is.)

Cool. So, I guess it's very much not a date. That's ok, I'm just excited to be going! Yeah! Dead bodies!!

Pride

I'm really proud of this post. If you haven't read it, you should. Frankly, it's one of my best to date, if I do say so myself.

Work Email

An email thread went around work today. Someone started off by posting this article about global warming. (The title, in case you're too lazy to follow the link is: Scientists say pollution may combat global warming)

Someone else replied:

I wonder what side the environmentalist (I had to ask my officemates what the PC term for tree _____ is these days) will take?

Came the reply:

Actually, some tree-huggers prefer said term.

There was something funny here about the environmental position, I just can't remember what it was, I did happen to like her defending the 'tree-hugger' label. There were a few comments after hers to a similar effect.

-asl

That sparked the reply:

24/M/Seattle

The conversation dwindled quickly into people pretending to be in chat rooms hitting on other people. (Get it... asl — a/s/l — age/sex/location — ok, it's chatter slang. If you don't get it I can't help you out.)

Eventually the woman whose initials are 'ASL' decided to add another comment to the thread. She gave her 2 cents then changed her sign off:

-asl (Those are my initials—I don't want to know that much about you. Someday you'll get over it.)

The little light bulb went off over someone else's head because he felt the need to inform half the company:

I just got what everyone was going on about. Hee heee....

Oh bother. These, kids, are the best and the brightest my generation has to offer.

In all actuality, I did find the whole thing rather entertaining. Lame. Immature. And highly amusing.

Reactions

Everyone is having different reactions to the current state of my romantic life.

Mumsy thinks it's positively hilarious to see me in this state. She proclaimed, "I don't think I've ever known you to be derailed like this before, ever."

Sweetheart is sad because she wants to be in love. Not jealous, sad.

Nanny is jealous. So much so she's getting annoying. She's jealous because she's in love with the idea of being in love, and being married, and having lots of kids, and it's just not fair that the one person in our trio who wants none of the above right now is the one who has boys coming out of the woodwork.

Lurch thinks it's great.

LittleBrother doesn't know what girls are for.

MapGuy is so out of touch I'm not sure he knows what's going on.

And, half the Relief Society who has eyes to see, or ears to hear the gossip are, well, curious and gossiping.

Lastly me. I'm twitterpated. What the ----?

Concerts and Phone Calls

Part of Musician's job is to put on these concerts during the week. They're at lunch time, in the building right next to mine, and free. He emailed me the schedule, and I decided to make the time, so today on my lunch break I went over there.

I saw him for, literally, two seconds as I walked in. I touched his elbow to get his attention, then waved hello to him as I breezed past. We didn't even acknowledge each other for the remainder of the hour. As soon as the concert ended I was out of my seat and out the door—he was there to work, not flirt.

6 pm this evening my phone rang, it was him. "Hello, neighbor!" (I can't call him 'friend' lest he fall into that category.)

"Hey, Girlthina!" (Ok, ok, it's much funnier if you actually know my last name. Trust me, it sounds positively silly.) "What are you up to?"

"Oh, not much. How 'bout you?"

"I'm just catching a bus. Where are you?"

"I'm home, chillin'." Waiting for a masseuse to stop by and work on my back for an hour.

"Oh, you're home.?" Disappointment was definitely the main tone in his voice. "Well, I was just calling to thank you for coming to the concert. What'd you think?"

We chatted about that ever so briefly, then his bus arrived. Yeah. So, now we're to the stage where we call for brief snippets of conversation as we wait for the bus. I can't object—I rather like that stage, you know which one I'm talking about. It's the I-can't-get-enough-of-you-so-I'll-take-all-I-can stage. I think I'm there, too. Sigh.

Can I Be?

Can I be:
A feminist and anti-porn?
Anti-porn and pro-sexuality?
Anti-porn without ever seeing any?
A strong feminist and a devout Mormon?
Mormon and not sure if I want kids?
Devout Mormon and not sure if I even want to be married?

Can I be:
Pro-meat and not eat it?
Eat meat and be vegetarian?
How about dairy and vegan?

Can I be:
Judgmental and loving?
Kind but guarded?
Liberated but willing to have doors held for me?
Liberated and friends with those who spout misogynistic views (whether they believe them or not)?
A feminist and insulted when my date doesn't pick me up at my door?
What if I expect him to pay for dinner, as well?

Can I be open-minded but offended?
Can I be LDS and pro-Roe?

Can I be:
LDS and for the morning after pill?
Law abiding and a security professional?
One of the guys and very much a woman?

Can I be:
Liberal but a prude?
Straight without ever switch hitting to know for sure?
Artistic and logical?
Emotionally in tune and cold hearted?

Can express thoughts and feelings from the depths of my being and not know who that being is?
Can I be who I am and still be me?
Can I not?

Rain, Rain

Round about 3:30 this afternoon word started flying that the weather was so bad WDOT was talking about closing the bridges across Lake Washington. Both bridges. Well, I suppose people could drive around it. Thus, the only people well and truly screwed were those either living on the Island, or who ride public transit (since there really isn't a way around the lake on public transit). Given that I fall into not one, but both of the potentially-screwed categories, I started worrying. Then, I got over my worry and started plotting.

As it turns out, Musician works downtown. He also happens to live on the other side of Lake Washington. Oh, and, lest we forget, he rides the bus. I figured, if I got stuck in Seattle at least I could have the pleasure of his company. I guess I know him well enough to know that if he were apprised of the situation early enough he probably would leave work to get home, rather than stick it out. Thus, I waited until 5 o'clock. Then I pounced. I called him up and left a message informing him that word was "they" were talking about closing the bridges, and if that happens would he be interested in sitting in a cafe with me somewhere enjoying each other's company? (I should point out that at this point I had checked WDOT's web site, so I knew the buses were going over the lake, I was just hoping.) He called me back having, apparently, not listened to my message. I explained the situation to him, and my plan. He was surprised to hear the weather was so bad. "Haven't you looked out the window today?" I asked.

"Honestly, my window is so high when I look out all I see are sky scrapers."

"Yeah, well, from my 6th floor window, only two floors above street level..." I said in a rather smart-mouthed fashion (we're on a hill... I'm on the high side of the hill. It sucks).

He laughed, "Yeah, I thought you'd like that." Then he went on to ask if he could call me right back. Sure... I said, as I watched the bus I wanted drive past.

He called back minutes later to inform me that he had checked the WDOT web site and it looked like the bridges were open and the buses were running, so he was going to try to catch one home.

"Oh! Great!" I said, trying to sound relieved, "I'll do that, too, if my bus ever comes!" We exchanged pleasantries, then hung up.

15 minutes later I was standing in a nice warm bus, at the last stop in Seattle before the bridge. My phone rang, "Girl!" He exclaimed. "Where are you? Are you on a bus?"

"Yes, I are on a bus."

"I can't get a bus home. They're all packed! They're turning people away! What bus do you take?" I hoped that he was planning on inviting himself over to my house—an invitation that would not be refused—but just before he could invite himself over a new bus pulled up, and he was able to get on. Good for him! Oh, and, nuts!

What IS My Problem

I'm thinking of asking Musician out again for Friday night.

Why can't I just be satisfied with two dates in one week?

Bodies!!

On Sunday FlyBoy and I made tentative plans to go to see the Bodies Exhibition in downtown sometime this week (tentatively Friday/Saturday). He also said he's going to call some people and see if they want to go, and I should do likewise. Frankly, if I haven't managed to find anyone to go with by this point, the likelihood that I'm going to by "sometime this week" is pretty small. I am excited to be going, though.

After our lunch today Musician and I were driving through downtown and happened by the exhibition center where Bodies is being held. "That's a great show!" he informed me. I asked him if he had seen this one (nope, the original of which this is a copy), and told him that I had had a really challenging time finding someone to go with, but I finally found someone who wanted to go, and we were going this Saturday! Actually, I said something to the effect of, "I had a hard time finding anyone to go with me, I mean, I love Sweetheart and Nanny and all, they're great girls, but they're girls." "Yeah," he said, "I noticed." Erm, how could you possibly miss it? They're also airheads, in case you've managed to not figure that out by this point.

Later this evening I received a phone call from FlyBoy. We're going on Saturday afternoon. As we were making plans he said, "and, uh, maybe we should all get white lab coats or something."

"he. he. he..." I laughed. It was kind of my nerdy laugh.

"Well, I thought it was funny!"

"Oh! So did I!" I reassured him.

"Oh, it just seemed like you were laughing like 'he's a loser'."

"Oh, no, no. My loser laugh is far more condescending!"

So, there we have it, plans for Saturday afternoon. I'm so excited!

Let's Do Lunch

Musician and I went to lunch today. And that was all. We went to this Indian place, which isn't "That Indian Place", and were both disappointed in the food. Oh well.
After lunch he drove me home and dropped me off (since I had no idea how long lunch was going to be I went in early and just took an hour off). We had a good time getting to know each other a bit better. It was interesting, we chatted more like old friends than two people on a date.

A few interesting things about him:
1. The two times he's picked me up at my place he calls to say he's on his way, and I always meet him out front. Does this bother me? Yes. Why, aren't I supposed to be "liberated"? It bugs the heck out of me — simple manners say you should go to someone's door to pick them up. Good golly!

2. He never gets the door for me. Until today, that is. I made a point of going through a door he could have been opening for himself and as I breezed through I said, "Thank you." Now, it's not like I need to have the door opened for me, I just think it's polite to get the door for the person you're with sometimes. After I did that once (or twice) I was floored when he opened the car door for me. Ok, ok, he didn't really open the door for me, he actually opened it to retrieve the parking sticker so he could leave it on the meter for the next person, and then he pushed the door the rest of the way open for me.

3. Today was the first day that he actually dropped me off (the night of the debate I dropped me off in his car, and sent him on his way home — from my back door), and given points 1 and 2, I was floored when he watched me walk to my door. Especially since it was still daylight when he dropped me off. Frankly, I don't know what to make of that!

So, what does this mean? Beats me. What I do know is, we need to get together again.

Brevity

You can only type one word.
NO explanations.

1. Yourself?
Process

2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend?
Beta

3. Your hair?
Long

4. Your mother?:
Awesome

5. Your Father:
Clown

6. Your Favorite Item:
Cello

7. Your dream last night:
None

8. Your Favorite drink:
Water

9. Your Dream Car:
Fast

10. The room you are in:
Comfortable

11. Your Ex:
Over

12. Your fear:
Failure

13. What you want to be in 10 years
Rich

14. What You're Not?
Boring

15. Muffins:
Poppy-Seed

16. One of Your Wish List Items:
Shoes

18. Time:
Seasons

19. The Last Thing You Did:
Dinner

20. What You Are Wearing:
Clothes

21. Your Favorite Weather:
Snowy

22. A good Book:
Companion

23. The last thing you ate:
Fries

24. Your Life:
Upward

25. Your Mood:
Fuzzy

26. Your friends:
Comfort

27. What are you thinking about right now?
Fuzziness

28. Your car:
Dead

29. What are you doing at the moment?
Thinking

30. Your summer
Rocked

31. Your relationship status:
Booting

32. What is on your tv?
Nothing

33. What is the weather like?
Raining

34. When is the last time you laughed?
Tonight

Lunch Date

Musician called me this evening to inform me that he had to drive in to the office tomorrow, and then to ask if I would be working a full day. "Usually," I replied.

He then told me that he had to leave work early, and would I be interested in joining him for an early dinner, or late lunch? He finally decided that it would be a late lunch, and would be around 2. I agreed, providing that I have no meetings tomorrow.

So, I'm going to go in early, skip lunch, and then take off at 2. I'll be about an hour short, but since I spend so many lunch breaks at my desk I'm not too worried about it. If anything comes up, well, it had better not.

We're going to do lunch at That Indian Place (I so don't know the name, but that's what we call it), my treat, since I owe him a meal. Actually, last night I sent him an email and told him that we should do lunch or dinner, so when he called me today he mentioned that and said, "Since you said I should take you up on that." He's positively correct: he should.

I'm excited to be playing hookey with a fun boy! Yeah!

In Beta

I was talking to one of my girl friends at work today and was at a loss for a way to describe Musician's and my "relationship" that isn't quite. I think I settled on, "the boy that I'm sort of not quite kind of not really seeing."

She thought that was too long and decided to help me out: "You're beta-seeing each other." Yup. That's it.

I was joking with Lurch about it, and he one up-ed her, "Soon you'll be working on the release candidate."

I'm such a geek.

Scary

As we were talking last night, in those 20 minutes where it was just Musician and me, I made a frightening discovery — I want him to know everything there is to know about me. I want to tell him everything. The good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly. The thing that terrifies me most? I want to tell him both the ugly and the beautiful. It has been a long time since I've felt that way about anyone, and I'm not sure I'm ready to let my heart to the braining.

Creative Catalyst

Before we get to Denny's I have to give you this bit of information:

As we were hanging out at Network's place I subconsciously decided it was time Musician heard about ExOfNote. Not so much about, about, just about. I casually dropped the bomb into the conversation, "...my ex..." I probably wouldn't have done so this early on, but after that movie the night before he has been on my mind a whole ton, and I can't seem to shake it. And, actually, Network and I had been talking about ExOfNote for a bit before Musician had arrived, anyway, so he was really on the brain.

When we relocated to Denny's I decided to ride with Musician. Duh. We had a pleasant enough drive over and talked about all sorts of things. As we were sitting there waiting for everyone to arrive he asked me casually, "Wanna see a picture of my mom?"

"Sure." I agreed as he pulled out his iPod.

He showed me a picture with three people, him, his mom, and his dad. It would have been an unremarkable picture, except, they were all dressed up, and he was in a tux looking very, very happy.

"Uh, so why's everyone all dressed up?" I asked.

"It was a wedding."

"Whose wedding?" I pushed, if that can be considered pushing.

"Mine."

"Oh, I'm sorry." I said, genuinely sympathetic.

"Me too." Was his response.

"When were you married? Summer, 2004." He actually told me the month, but, for whatever reason, I'm not going to tell you.

I asked if I could be nosy, and he said that the fact that he was previously married was about all he was ready to share, and, in fact, I am the first person in the ward that he has told.

"So, you? You were married before, too?"

"Uh, no. Engaged. But we were together of 7 years, so...", I shrugged, "we might have well have been. I suppose."

"Is he still in the city?" He asked. Funny how he managed to forget that I am very new to the Seattle area.

"No. He's in Canada. Where he lived pretty much the whole time we were together." That's all I offered him.

However, I happened to be wearing a ring, which I had taken off and was playing with. "So, what's the significance of the ring?" He asked, I willingly changed the subject and told him about the ring, which had nothing whatsoever to do with ExOfNote. "Sorry, it's not a very interesting story for you."

"Oh, I thought it was an interesting story. You just started playing with it when you started talking about your ex, and so I was wondering if it had anything to do with him and was a nervous twitch."

"Oh, yeah. No. Well, it may have been a nervous twitch, but not because the ring had anything to do with him." We sat in silence for a bit, then, I couldn't not ask any longer, "How long were you married? That's all I'm going to ask. Promise."

"14 and a half months."

"ok."

Right then, everyone walked in. I found out later that they has heard none of our conversation. That's good news.

A few thoughts on all of that:
a) I guess I shared a smidgen first, but he shared more. I wonder if his was in response to mine. I imagine it probably was. But, why didn't he just ask, instead of telling me, if he wanted to know?

b) I think that this was his way of testing the waters. Some people are put off by the idea of dating a divorced individual. It's honestly best to figure that out early on, rather than wait and hope for the best. Am I one of those people must be an important question for him.

c) I think he also wants to know how trustworthy I am. Will I spread this around the ward? It's about to that point where if word spread through the ward it has been long enough that it's not going to be too harmful to his reputation, and the information is so scant, that no matter what I said he could contain it relatively easily.

Now, some commentary on all points above.
a) I think the photo was an interesting choice of catalyst. He wouldn't have shown it to me if he didn't want me to know, and, had I wanted to ignore it, I could have. Clever boy.

b) Fair enough. Interestingly, once (when she wasn't being overly insane) PuppyDogsAndBows and I were having a conversation about her boyfriend who had made some mistakes previously. It really bothered her. I told her that I imagine that the man I marry probably won't be a virgin — either because he made so different choices, or because he was divorced. Frankly, it doesn't matter to me (as long as I don't get something from him!). She was really surprised to learn that and basically told me that I shouldn't sell myself short, and how sad it is to think along those lines. Personally, I don't think it's sad. I think it's just something that doesn't bother me. I mentioned this to Mumsy today and she was kind of surprised that I have come to that conclusion. I'd like to point out, it's not that I'm settling, it's that I think it was just information that the Lord gave me, so I could have time to get used to it, so if I do end up meeting Mr. Right, the divorcee, I don't pass him by. And, since I came to that conclusion over a year ago, I've had a long time to get used to the notion.

c) Also fair enough. Though, I don't know how he's going to judge whether or not I tell Nanny and Sweetheart (which, I have no intentions of doing. If he wants people to know, he can tell them himself).

Ok, that's it for this post. (One more coming... I need to either write more frequently, or learn to write less.)

Hanging Out

While Sweetheart and I were out shopping for my junk one of the girls in the ward called and asked if we would help her with a huge project she has to take care of. We agreed, but when we got to the meeting place we discovered that it was locked for the weekend, so we couldn't. We decided, instead, to eat.

I called up Musician to ask him if he wanted to join us. He didn't answer his phone, so Sweetheart and I ate together. It was a good day.

As we were ordering Network called and asked what we were up to. I told him, and he said we should go to his house when we were finished and join him and the girl from earlier as well as Nanny and work on the project. We agreed.

An hour and a half later, my phone rang, it was Musician. "Girl! [as in my last name, not as in, 'woman!', he likes to call me by my last name] What are you doing?" I told him, "Well," he announced, and didn't really ask, "I'm in Seattle Center. Come buy me Indian Food!"

"Uh, remember that one time that I still don't have a car? And, I just ate. But, you should eat and come join us."

We discussed this for a bit. He wanted to hang out, but wasn't overly thrilled about doing this art project. I told him he could sit and hang out while the rest of us were productive. He agreed, saying he would eat first. He eventually called and came over.

When he first arrived we were all in the kitchen talking about whatever, Musician complimented Network's house, and made some comments about his own, and how he's in the middle of a huge remodeling project. "When do I get to see your house?" I asked.

"Whenever you go out there. You can come out tonight, if you want."

"Sure, you wanna drive me home?" (I live about 30 minutes in the wrong direction from where we were).

Network jumped in, "Do you have your own room, Musician?" (I think I've mentioned before that Musican lives with his brother, sister-in-law, and their daughter).

"Uh, yeah."

"Well, there you go. You can just hop in his bed and spend the night." Great, thanks for the offer, Network. Keeping in mind, these are my friends from church!

"Nahh, the walls are too thin for that to not be a problem." Musician so kindly replied.

My jaw hit the floor and my face turned 18 shades of red! My goodness!! Scandal!

Nanny decided that I was only red because I hadn't thought of it first. That might have been a portion of it, but I was also trying hard to not say something to the effect of, "Well, I don't know how loud you are, but I'm rather quiet." I did opt to just stand there looking silly with my mouth hanging open.

Eventually, we moved from the kitchen to the living room, where we had a good time chatting and slipped into politics for a while. Since we were across the room from each other we were kind of talking over people. We were asked to just sit on the same couch and talk amongst ourselves so everyone else could be productive. We did.

Time passed, conversation carried on, whatever. Sweetheart was complaining about her back hurting, so Nanny gave her a massage. Well, I gave myself a migraine earlier by not eating all day (brilliant move, I know), so I asked for one. I was denied. Network laughed, "You've got your boy right there, why don't you ask him for a massage? Put your head in his lap and he'll rub your neck for you, I'm sure. Uh, be sure to put a pillow under your head, though." What is it with these boys?

I let the moment pass, then asked, "If I asked you really nicely would you rub my neck?" He didn't really respond, so I said, "Well, I'll take that as a 'no'."

The conversation flowed into Mormon film, and how I didn't like a particular movie. Musician asked why and I gave him my reasons — mostly because the director had chosen to show the entire Sacrament prayer on the film. Musician argued that they are public ordinances, and so why should it matter, I argued that the problem isn't that we should keep them secret, but we should remember that they are sacred. Finally, he came to a conclusion, "You're a prude!" he declared. What could I do but laugh! The only people who call me 'prude' are my siblings, but that's only in comparison. I expect to be called a prude by people who don't really live the Gospel, but from him it came as quite a shock. He's seen me at my feminist best, and my politically worked up, I was a bit floored to have him call me a 'prude.'

I did ask him why. He said it just seemed that I have a lot of personal space and I don't like that to be crossed (I think he was thinking about the incident in the kitchen, but didn't want to bring it up and embarrass me again, but, in all fairness, he's really right. I am amazingly open about just about everything, but those things I chose to keep private, I keep very private.).

Eventually we moved the party to Denny's, which is where our next blog entry picks up.

Handicapped

Saturday morning (like after I woke up) I turned on my computer to write a brilliant reply to Musician's email, only to find that my keyboard had decided that it didn't feel like working anymore. I couldn't type anything, get anything to work. I was so frustrated!

I decided to log in on my laptop, but that failed (some ninny broke something at work this week, and now I can't connect remotely. Seriously, I'm pissed/screwed). Desperate, I nearly called Lurch to ask if he has a spare keyboard I could use until I could get a new one. Before I could make that pathetic nerdling move (yes, I'll admit, my pride got in the way of my love life) Sweetheart called and wanted to go do something. Bless her! We went and picked up some art supplies and a new wireless keyboard (which I'm now using. Yeah!!).

Nerd!

Friday night the ward went ice skating. Loads of fun! I actually went out on the ice, and made 1 1/2 laps around the ice. After that we decided to go grab a bite to eat (I know, I know, SHOCKING). As we were sitting there talking and joking around I expressed my need to check my email. The question was posed, "How often do you check your email?" Answer: it's always open. This lead to a natural discussion of the superiority of FireFox over Internet Explorer (tabs), and the problem with IE7 (which has tabs, and glaring security holes). Then, the conversation came back full circle to my email problem. Someone asked how long it had been since I last checked my email, "5 and a half hours, or so." I said before glancing at my clock. I was completely horrified to discover I was off by only 5 or 10 minutes. I made the mistake of hanging my head in shame and announcing that I was pretty close to spot-on. Lurch laughed, "No!" he exclaimed harking back to an ongoing argument, "You're not a geek. You're a nerd! You know exactly how long it's been since you last checked your email. Nerd!" I can't let him be right.

Ice Skating, Dinner, Movie

I have long maintained that I am good at everything I do because if I'm not good at it, I don't do it. (It's true, Mumsy, huh?)

Tonight, however, I made an exception. I went ice skating. I had never done it before, and I think it will take me a number of tries before I'm any good at it. Which means, I may never do it again.

After ice skating we went to dinner.

Then to Lurch's house for a movie.

The movie wasn't that bad. Near the end one of the main characters decides that killing himself would be a really good option. That didn't bother me too much, however, when they showed him in the hospital with the wraps around his wrists I had to get up and leave. All I could think about was ExOfNote and how his brother told me that he had to be restrained when they took him into the hospital. At first I tried to just sit there and pretend it didn't effect me, but ultimately I had to walk out.

After the movie was over one of the guys (we shall call him Network, since he's all about networking...) asked how I liked it. I responded, "Next time warn me if there's suicide in a movie, ok?"

I was content to leave it at that until someone asked, "So, Granola, why do you have problems with suicide in movies?"

"My ex tried to kill himself. I guess he thought it would be a great solution to life's little problems."

The conversation continued briefly, then there was silence. MapGuy finally took up where I was "Um, yeah"-ing, and said, "Yeah, that's kind of a conversation stopper right there. Nowhere to really go..."

"True. Well, that's life!" I added. We eventually moved on, but in that moment I shared with a lot of people something I try to keep inside.

I guess they're right, I don't think it ever will completely stop haunting me. Oh, how I wish.

The Phone Screen that Wasn't

I was supposed to interview a candidate on Thursday. This isn't usually a problem, as we do interviews all the time. The fact that it was a phone interview was even less of a problem. The weird thing was: the candidate's phone was set up to reject caller id blocked numbers. Well, every phone number at InternetCompany is caller id blocked (I'm not really sure how the recruiter got in contact with him in the first place, but that's not my problem, really).

Previously, this candidate had been scheduled for three phone interviews, but because of his phone problem none of them had panned out. The last one he said that he had fixed his phone, but apparently he hadn't. Frustrated the recruiter decided to have him call us. Thus, she set up an appointment for him to call me in a conference room. Kind of inconvenient, but I can understand his preferences.

I got there early, prepared to have to wait a few minutes. Five minutes turned to ten. Then ten to fifteen. Then fifteen to twenty. No call.

I decided to try his number, and was surprised when I got through (as an aside, it rang a number of times and I was about to give up when he answered). He did answer, but apparently couldn't hear me. I got so frustrated that when he hung up I didn't try calling back. Instead I sent an email to the recruiter asking her to get things sorted out before anyone wasted any more time on him.

She replied and suggested that we just stop trying. I'll be honest, the first draft of my email to her said pretty much that, so accepting her suggestion wasn't a difficult task for me.

Ultimately, we rejected him. Let this be a lesson to you job hunters — if you want a job, make yourself available. If a company can't contact you they'll assume you aren't serious about the position and with every increase in effort their charity in your general direction decreases, a lot.

Email Buddies

Wow. Loads of things have been going on. Ironically enough, I've been home almost every night. Why have I not written? Nothing really seemed all that noteworthy. Here's something fun, though: On Tuesday I sent Musician an email about something totally benign (and, actually as part of a group email). He replied with an equally non-committal email, which necessitated a reply from me, then one from him. Finally, on Thursday I was sitting in a conference room waiting for an interview candidate to call me (more on this in the next post) and while wasting time sent him (Musician) yet another email. This time, however, I included a question at they very end that I knew was sure to get a well thought out reply. Thursday night as I was just about to hit the hay I decided to check my email. I had a nice little (ok, long) reply (as anticipated) waiting for me. What I didn't expect, however, was his sign off, "What do you think?" Crap! Did he want my review of his opinion, or my opinion on the matter?

Naturally, I put off replying. Today while I was busy getting absolutely no work done I sent him an equally long reply, sure to include a brief comment on his proposition, as well as my counter suggestion.

This evening I was not disappointed to see a reply from him. I was also very pleased to see that in two places (once very early on, and the second at the very end) he mentioned that he'd like to get together and have these discussions in person. I'm glad he's enjoying himself. I am, too.

I was contemplating writing him a response, but because it is really 2:54 am Saturday morning, I think I'll wait for a few more hours so that he doesn't think that I sit up at nights composing emails to boys.

Hey, you! I know what you're thinking, and it's not like that, not at all! I have a good reason for still being up at this hour!!!

Movie Night and Good ol' Ward Gossip

One of the girls in the ward sent me a text this afternoon inviting me to her house for a movie and good company. I decided to give Musician a call and invite, since he hasn't been in the ward that long, and the possibility that she has his number is pretty small. He didn't answer, so I left a message complete with details of her address, etc.

He called me back and said it sounded like a lot of fun, and what time should he pick me up? Oh. Ok. Sure. I thought I was just passing on the word, I didn't know I was "inviting him along". Cool.

So, we went to this girl's house and a bunch of other people came. I was sitting on the couch next to him sharing a foot rest which was quite fun, since we rubbed feet (where by 'we' I mean, 'he rubbed his feet against mine') and arms a couple of times. At one point he seemed about to put his arm around me, but didn't. I wonder why not.

We watched The Recruit, and early on someone asked if the main female role was Jean Grey from X Men. She certainly looked like it, so I readily agreed. He disagreed. We argued back and forth and got nowhere. Finally one of the other girls there offered to look it up. Musician asked me if I wanted to put money on whether or not it was the same actress. "Sure, I'll give you a whole dollar."

He was going to have none of that, "How about you pay for dinner at that Indian restaurant."

"Deal, and if I'm right, you pay."

"Sure, but I'm not wrong."

He was right. Minutes later when the results came in he gloated ever so briefly, "Hmm, Spinach Aloo or Mushroom Gobi? They both sound so good!" He got a silly face from me. "Let this be a lesson to you, young padawan, I'm always right about movies." Well, if nothing else, I have another date with him already lined up.

After the movie finished we checked the time and decided on watching another, "Why don't we watch another movie with Jean Grey, like I, Robot," he suggested (By the way, the woman who played Jean Grey was not in I, Robot, the woman in The Recruit, on the other hand, is). We opted for The Island. He hates the main female character, and Lurch was there to give me a ride home, so he bailed. I would have liked to have had him drive me home, but it really made no sense, since he lives the opposite direction of my place.

After Musician left our hostess asked me, "So, are you guys official, now?"

"Huh? No. We're not dating."

"Oh? You just called him 'hon' and 'honey' a bunch."

"I call everyone 'hon'," I argued defiantly.

"Not like that," she calmly informed me, "It was different." Yeah? Well, whatever, we're not dating.

On the ride home Lurched asked me about it, since I mentioned that we had gone out last night. (Actually, I had mentioned that I went with an undisclosed party, and when he pressed I told him it was on a need-to-know basis, and he didn't need to know. When I told him that I was catching a ride with someone else he asked if it was the guy from last night. I wasn't going to lie, so he figured it out.) "Well, I'm glad someone in the group is dating someone, at least."

"We're not dating!"

"Well, at least has a consistent dating partner." Great, two and a half dates and we're 'consistent dating partners'. Whatever.

Also, since I'm talking about sure-fire ward gossip I should mention that last night one of the guys in the ward called to invite the three girls over for some sort of get together (he was inviting a bunch of people, I gather). I told him that I would love to go, but "I have a hot date."

"Oh?" his interest piqued, "Do we know him?"

"Possibly."

"Is he in the ward?"

"Yes."

Fast forward to this morning, 8:30 am. My phone rings. It's my friend from last night asking about how my date went and if they needed to rough anyone up for me. I assured him that it was fun, things went fine, and no, thank you, but there was no need to get medieval on anyone. When Musician and I arrived together tonight this guy was already there. Out-freaking-standing. I'm afraid this is going to make it around the ward in record time. Tragic, since I'm still hoping that FlyBoy makes the time to ask me out soon.

Nanny makes an excellent point, it's rough being me.

First Date

I was sitting at work this morning, minding my own business when my cell phone rang, it was Musician. He was inviting me to a political discussion tonight that was being hosted by a friend of a friend. He isn't supposed to be driving, and asked if I would be willing. Well, I would be willing, but I currently have no vehicle. Anyway, we worked it out that he would drive to my place, then I would drive into Seattle and back, and then he would drive himself the rest of the way home. Deal.

Later in the afternoon (around 4:30) he called to ask if I wanted to do dinner before hand. I was all for that.

At 6:45 he called to tell me that traffic was horrible, and that he would be by my place in 10 minutes (bringing him in 25 minutes late). Then, he decided to call the host to double check the start time, tragically, she said it was 7 rather than the 8 he had written down. We decided to grab some grub from the neighborhood grocery store and eat it there (since it was at someone's apartment).

We did, then at 8:45 my pager went off, and I couldn't connect to her wireless network, so I had to ask Musician to take me to the office so I could work. He offered instead that I could take his car and we'd work out picking him up, etc, when things were over.

I went to the office and finally left near 10:30. garrr

As I was driving up the hill to pick him up, Musician called me. They were finished and someone was bringing him to my office. I explained that I was right there, and would pick him up. Perfect.

We drove to my place where we proceeded to sit in the car and talk until 12. We would have remained longer, but I still had work which needed to be done. And now that that is finished, and it's really 1:15 am the next day, I shall retire.

Quick summary:
Yeah, I could like him. We'll see what happens.

Oh, and no good night hug. Can't really fault him, he did just have surgery on his tummy region.

Church News

I was chilling at home this evening when my phone rang, "Good evening?" I answered the unknown caller.

"Granola? This is the wife of the Second Counselor [in the Bishopric]."

"Oh, hi! What can I do for you?"

"I was just reading the Church News today and was wondering if this person in here could possibly be related to you?"

"Probably. Is it the new Temple President?"

"Yes!"

"Yeah, that's my Uncle. My father's brother." (Incidentally, this is the same Uncle that I visited in Israel)

"Your uncle? I just got goosebumps as I read it and wondered if you knew him."

"Yeah, he's a great guy! It's a wonderful opportunity for them."

She signed off shortly thereafter, but was really excited to find out that it was, in fact, a relative of mine. I'm sure we'll talk about it more on Sunday. We'll see.

Car Decisions

Well, kids, I've decided I need to make a list of things that I need/want in a car and use that to determine what kind of car I'll get. Luckily for you, I've decided to make said list here.

Needs

1. Fit Lydia (the cello) with relative ease. I don't mind scooting a seat forward or lying one down, I do mind having to remodel the car
   
2. Fit at least 4 people comfortably.
   
3. Minimum 20 mpg

Wants (here's where the problems arise)

1. Something I can take to a trail head, and leave without worrying about it making it up there, or being stolen
   
2. Fun to drive
   
3. Cute
   
4. Less than 20k
   
5. Practical
   
6. Relatively unique

Don't Wants

1. Typical "SUV"
   
2. Van
   
3. Wagon
   
4. Something boring

So, what does this leave me with? Well, I think I'm going to have to throw out either the trail head desire, or the no SUV. I should probably just get a Civic. Blah.

Suggestions??

Crazy Uncle

My Crazy Uncle is in town! I'm super excited!! We're going to get together for lunch tomorrow, hopefully. I don't know for how long he is in town, but hopefully we can spend some time together out side of my pitiful lunch break.

You know, as nuts as he is, I really do like the guy a whole lot, and he seems to adore me. Fun stuff! smile

Post-Op

Musician had surgery on Friday, so he has been kind of out of commission for a few days. However, as we were arriving tonight I saw that he had been invited over for dinner (there were a couple of shifts of people visiting — dinner and desert). We chatted briefly. I asked if Nanny, Sweetheart and I could bring him a "Get Well Basket". He agreed, and told me to just give him a call and that his schedule is currently wide open. Apparently the doctors told him two weeks, and it is going to take the whole time. Poor guy looked positively terrible. Yet, there was something about his scruffy face that just made him positively adorable. Geeze Louise. I need to make up my mind here.

Ok, so we're going to visit him, soon, I hope.

Offerings

Since my car is decidedly out of commission Sweetheart and Nanny have been driving me everywhere. Sweetheart picked me up tonight and was planning on taking me home. However, she was falling asleep on the bishop's couch, so (our dear friend) Creepy offered to give me a lift. She assured him that it was ok, and she'd provide the ride. He offered again, and she once again declined.

Later we were standing in the kitchen preparing to leave when we all noticed how tired she was. He again offered. This time, however, I had to take him up on it. She was really too tired to drive the extra 10-15 minutes out of her way. The ride home was mostly uneventful (blissfully no more comments on the Bodies exhibit and my subsidization of his attendance). When he dropped me off, however, I told him where to drop me off, and that he could then just flip a U-ie and go out the way he came in. "How 'bout I flip it now and then you can get out afterwards. That way I can enjoy the pleasure of your company a little while longer?"

I had no choice but to comply. Icky. Icky. Icky!!! I wish he would get the hint that I'm not interested. I mean, really, if I were remotely interested I would have either agreed to subsidizing his ticket to the show, or made some sort of explanation (budget, etc) why I couldn't pay, rather than denying him outright. I mean, good heavens! I paid $75 bucks to go to a concert with one boy, certainly I could afford $10 for another to see some dead people. He seriously needs to get hit by a clue-by-four, and post haste.

Second Date?

Sweetheart, Nanny, and I, as well as 5 other people, were all invited to the Bishop's house for desert tonight. We were looking forward to a nice chat and good food.

When we got there I discovered that the guy that I took to the symphony (FlyBoy) was there, as was the totally awkward slightly creepy guy who likes me (Creepy). I was talking with FlyBoy about this exhibit in downtown that I really wanted to go to. We were talking about how interesting it sounds, but that I was having difficulty finding someone who wanted to plunk down twenty bucks to go look at a bunch of dead bodies (it's an exhibition of plastinated bodies). Both Creepy and FlyBoy agreed that it sounded fascinating. FlyBoy was in the middle of saying he'd go (which was kind of my hope) when Creepy piped in, "Wow, twenty bucks is pretty steep! I'll go with you, if you subsidize part of it."

I kind of ignored the second half of his comment and said, "Yeah, 20 bucks, like I said, it's hard to find people to go with."

"Like I said, I'll go with you if you subsidize part of it. Not even the whole thing, but part of it. I'll even drive. Think of it as gas money." Wow, someone is a little over eager.

Finally I realized that I was going to have to address this issue before he propositioned me, yet again, "Do I look like anyone's 'Sugar-Mamma'?" I asked.

FlyBoy laughed, "Sugar-Mamma!" Creepy made a last ditched effort. Ain't gonna happen. I don't want to spend any more time with him that social politeness dictates I must. I just wish there were a way I could kindly tell him that it will be a very cold day in Las Vegas when I agree to go on a date with him. Believe it or not, he's one of those guys from whom I would actually turn down a first date request. Plus let's not even mention the fact that I was angling for a second date with FlyBoy! Sheesh!

"Uh, I think you're not going to win this one." He cautioned Creepy.

"I don't play games." Creepy responded, and yet, he does. Yikes.

Later FlyBoy and I were talking off to the side away from Creepy. He told me that he'd go with me, and some of his friends would probably be interested in going, too. "You'd let me hang out with your friends?" I questioned, "You're not concerned I might scare them away?"

"No, you'd fit in just fine." Our schedules combined, we concluded that he would organize it and give me a call. Yippy! A potential second date with FlyBoy! Fun stuff!!

Raging Feminist

When I first met MapGuy I described myself as a "raging feminist" on more than one occasion. After a few such references he asked me, "Why do you call yourself a 'raging feminist'? You don't seem so 'raging' to me?" (He also asked a few other questions about how I could consider myself an active member of the LDS Church and at the same time proclaim to espouse feminist ideology, but that's another discussion for another day.) I assured him that I am using the word 'raging' to mean 'big-huge' not 'angry and bitter'. He disagreed that it was a valid usage. Fair enough.

Time went on. Summer turned to Autumn. People grew up. People got married. People died.

I picked up a new feminist book (The Macho Paradox).

Sunday night Nanny, MapGuy, another guy, and I were sitting around my place chatting. Well, Nanny was falling asleep listening to us, and Entrepreneur and I were doing most of the talking. The subject matter at hand was the objectification of people by society. Not just women, but people. MapGuy was a whole lot more attentive than Nanny, and even asked some good questions and contributed to some degree. At one point Entrepreneur asked me what he could do to help change society — the common "I'm one person" claim —.

"Speak up!" I told him, "Don't just accept things because society does it. Work for a change. Don't read magazines that objectify people, whether in their articles or in their ads. Don't buy products that exploit it."

After a few hours Entrepreneur said something to the effect of he never knew I felt this way, "Well," offered MapGuy, "She is a raging feminist."

"Oh! Now you believe me!" I exclaimed.

"Well, you weren't so 'raging' before."

"Yeah, I was probably grounded from feminist books when you first met me."

This lead into a discussion on why I grounded myself, and how maybe I should stay grounded. I explained that I like to read this type of literature, but I need a break from it, or I'd become an angry man-hater. It's all about knowing yourself and your limits. One thing I do know: as soon as I finish this book I'm back on the wagon for another 6 months.

Tuesday MapGuy and I were talking about Sunday night's conversation. I was teasing him about the 'raging feminist' comment when he told me, "Actually, I really enjoyed the conversation. It gave me a lot to think about. Like, how I need to care more about the objectification of people by the media than I currently do."

You know, you never know the effects of one conversation. I'm glad we chatted.