Creative Catalyst
Before we get to Denny's I have to give you this bit of information:
As we were hanging out at Network's place I subconsciously decided it was time Musician heard about ExOfNote. Not so much about, about, just about. I casually dropped the bomb into the conversation, "...my ex..." I probably wouldn't have done so this early on, but after that movie the night before he has been on my mind a whole ton, and I can't seem to shake it. And, actually, Network and I had been talking about ExOfNote for a bit before Musician had arrived, anyway, so he was really on the brain.
When we relocated to Denny's I decided to ride with Musician. Duh. We had a pleasant enough drive over and talked about all sorts of things. As we were sitting there waiting for everyone to arrive he asked me casually, "Wanna see a picture of my mom?"
"Sure." I agreed as he pulled out his iPod.
He showed me a picture with three people, him, his mom, and his dad. It would have been an unremarkable picture, except, they were all dressed up, and he was in a tux looking very, very happy.
"Uh, so why's everyone all dressed up?" I asked.
"It was a wedding."
"Whose wedding?" I pushed, if that can be considered pushing.
"Mine."
"Oh, I'm sorry." I said, genuinely sympathetic.
"Me too." Was his response.
"When were you married? Summer, 2004." He actually told me the month, but, for whatever reason, I'm not going to tell you.
I asked if I could be nosy, and he said that the fact that he was previously married was about all he was ready to share, and, in fact, I am the first person in the ward that he has told.
"So, you? You were married before, too?"
"Uh, no. Engaged. But we were together of 7 years, so...", I shrugged, "we might have well have been. I suppose."
"Is he still in the city?" He asked. Funny how he managed to forget that I am very new to the Seattle area.
"No. He's in Canada. Where he lived pretty much the whole time we were together." That's all I offered him.
However, I happened to be wearing a ring, which I had taken off and was playing with. "So, what's the significance of the ring?" He asked, I willingly changed the subject and told him about the ring, which had nothing whatsoever to do with ExOfNote. "Sorry, it's not a very interesting story for you."
"Oh, I thought it was an interesting story. You just started playing with it when you started talking about your ex, and so I was wondering if it had anything to do with him and was a nervous twitch."
"Oh, yeah. No. Well, it may have been a nervous twitch, but not because the ring had anything to do with him." We sat in silence for a bit, then, I couldn't not ask any longer, "How long were you married? That's all I'm going to ask. Promise."
"14 and a half months."
"ok."
Right then, everyone walked in. I found out later that they has heard none of our conversation. That's good news.
A few thoughts on all of that:
a) I guess I shared a smidgen first, but he shared more. I wonder if his was in response to mine. I imagine it probably was. But, why didn't he just ask, instead of telling me, if he wanted to know?
b) I think that this was his way of testing the waters. Some people are put off by the idea of dating a divorced individual. It's honestly best to figure that out early on, rather than wait and hope for the best. Am I one of those people must be an important question for him.
c) I think he also wants to know how trustworthy I am. Will I spread this around the ward? It's about to that point where if word spread through the ward it has been long enough that it's not going to be too harmful to his reputation, and the information is so scant, that no matter what I said he could contain it relatively easily.
Now, some commentary on all points above.
a) I think the photo was an interesting choice of catalyst. He wouldn't have shown it to me if he didn't want me to know, and, had I wanted to ignore it, I could have. Clever boy.
b) Fair enough. Interestingly, once (when she wasn't being overly insane) PuppyDogsAndBows and I were having a conversation about her boyfriend who had made some mistakes previously. It really bothered her. I told her that I imagine that the man I marry probably won't be a virgin — either because he made so different choices, or because he was divorced. Frankly, it doesn't matter to me (as long as I don't get something from him!). She was really surprised to learn that and basically told me that I shouldn't sell myself short, and how sad it is to think along those lines. Personally, I don't think it's sad. I think it's just something that doesn't bother me. I mentioned this to Mumsy today and she was kind of surprised that I have come to that conclusion. I'd like to point out, it's not that I'm settling, it's that I think it was just information that the Lord gave me, so I could have time to get used to it, so if I do end up meeting Mr. Right, the divorcee, I don't pass him by. And, since I came to that conclusion over a year ago, I've had a long time to get used to the notion.
c) Also fair enough. Though, I don't know how he's going to judge whether or not I tell Nanny and Sweetheart (which, I have no intentions of doing. If he wants people to know, he can tell them himself).
Ok, that's it for this post. (One more coming... I need to either write more frequently, or learn to write less.)
As we were hanging out at Network's place I subconsciously decided it was time Musician heard about ExOfNote. Not so much about, about, just about. I casually dropped the bomb into the conversation, "...my ex..." I probably wouldn't have done so this early on, but after that movie the night before he has been on my mind a whole ton, and I can't seem to shake it. And, actually, Network and I had been talking about ExOfNote for a bit before Musician had arrived, anyway, so he was really on the brain.
When we relocated to Denny's I decided to ride with Musician. Duh. We had a pleasant enough drive over and talked about all sorts of things. As we were sitting there waiting for everyone to arrive he asked me casually, "Wanna see a picture of my mom?"
"Sure." I agreed as he pulled out his iPod.
He showed me a picture with three people, him, his mom, and his dad. It would have been an unremarkable picture, except, they were all dressed up, and he was in a tux looking very, very happy.
"Uh, so why's everyone all dressed up?" I asked.
"It was a wedding."
"Whose wedding?" I pushed, if that can be considered pushing.
"Mine."
"Oh, I'm sorry." I said, genuinely sympathetic.
"Me too." Was his response.
"When were you married? Summer, 2004." He actually told me the month, but, for whatever reason, I'm not going to tell you.
I asked if I could be nosy, and he said that the fact that he was previously married was about all he was ready to share, and, in fact, I am the first person in the ward that he has told.
"So, you? You were married before, too?"
"Uh, no. Engaged. But we were together of 7 years, so...", I shrugged, "we might have well have been. I suppose."
"Is he still in the city?" He asked. Funny how he managed to forget that I am very new to the Seattle area.
"No. He's in Canada. Where he lived pretty much the whole time we were together." That's all I offered him.
However, I happened to be wearing a ring, which I had taken off and was playing with. "So, what's the significance of the ring?" He asked, I willingly changed the subject and told him about the ring, which had nothing whatsoever to do with ExOfNote. "Sorry, it's not a very interesting story for you."
"Oh, I thought it was an interesting story. You just started playing with it when you started talking about your ex, and so I was wondering if it had anything to do with him and was a nervous twitch."
"Oh, yeah. No. Well, it may have been a nervous twitch, but not because the ring had anything to do with him." We sat in silence for a bit, then, I couldn't not ask any longer, "How long were you married? That's all I'm going to ask. Promise."
"14 and a half months."
"ok."
Right then, everyone walked in. I found out later that they has heard none of our conversation. That's good news.
A few thoughts on all of that:
a) I guess I shared a smidgen first, but he shared more. I wonder if his was in response to mine. I imagine it probably was. But, why didn't he just ask, instead of telling me, if he wanted to know?
b) I think that this was his way of testing the waters. Some people are put off by the idea of dating a divorced individual. It's honestly best to figure that out early on, rather than wait and hope for the best. Am I one of those people must be an important question for him.
c) I think he also wants to know how trustworthy I am. Will I spread this around the ward? It's about to that point where if word spread through the ward it has been long enough that it's not going to be too harmful to his reputation, and the information is so scant, that no matter what I said he could contain it relatively easily.
Now, some commentary on all points above.
a) I think the photo was an interesting choice of catalyst. He wouldn't have shown it to me if he didn't want me to know, and, had I wanted to ignore it, I could have. Clever boy.
b) Fair enough. Interestingly, once (when she wasn't being overly insane) PuppyDogsAndBows and I were having a conversation about her boyfriend who had made some mistakes previously. It really bothered her. I told her that I imagine that the man I marry probably won't be a virgin — either because he made so different choices, or because he was divorced. Frankly, it doesn't matter to me (as long as I don't get something from him!). She was really surprised to learn that and basically told me that I shouldn't sell myself short, and how sad it is to think along those lines. Personally, I don't think it's sad. I think it's just something that doesn't bother me. I mentioned this to Mumsy today and she was kind of surprised that I have come to that conclusion. I'd like to point out, it's not that I'm settling, it's that I think it was just information that the Lord gave me, so I could have time to get used to it, so if I do end up meeting Mr. Right, the divorcee, I don't pass him by. And, since I came to that conclusion over a year ago, I've had a long time to get used to the notion.
c) Also fair enough. Though, I don't know how he's going to judge whether or not I tell Nanny and Sweetheart (which, I have no intentions of doing. If he wants people to know, he can tell them himself).
Ok, that's it for this post. (One more coming... I need to either write more frequently, or learn to write less.)
posted by granola girl at 11:45 pm
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