Secret Boyfriends

I love crushes. I find them fun, and highly diverting. I never act upon them, and certainly never bake cookies for said men. I do, however, enjoy the excitement I get when I see them. I call them, collectively, my “Secret Boyfriends.” A friend suggested “Imaginary Boyfriends,” but that is missing the point, I think. They exist; they just don’t know that they are my boyfriend.

This month’s secret boyfriend is SurferBoy. SurferBoy is (not surprisingly) from California. He’s tall, well built, and I could hug him for days. In fact, he has the perfect ears for the grab-and-kiss. I was looking at him today while we were talking, and just thinking about the things that make him so cute to me. It’s more than just his slightly upturned button nose, or the sprinkling of freckles across the bridge thereof (which is more frequently a turn-off for me than a turn-on), it’s his Personality. Boy, does he have personality. He’s practically brimming with it! He’s so outgoing and open about what makes up the person that is SurferBoy. As a Secret Boyfriend he has really taken me off guard. There is something so innocent about him, yet I know he has life experience. His goodness seems so pure and not put on. I think the thing that really has drawn me to him, is the qualities that I see in him that I want to see in me. He’s so carefree and has such a zeal for life that I’m almost jealous! I want that. I want to be irresponsible, like he, and yet have the benefits of living a responsible life. I want to pick up and travel on a whim. Yet, I know that I shan’t do so anytime soon. Perhaps I’ll live vicariously through him. I wonder where he’ll go next, and what he’ll do there.

Surviving in the Wild

Dating is tedious and bothersome! Why does it even exits? How come we have to deal with all the trash and emotions that surround the whole dating thang? Sometimes I just want to go up to a guy I find attractive, grab him by the ears, pull him close and *muah* right on the kisser. At Christmas we have mistletoe to help with this conundrum. Sadly, the rest of the year we are left to our own devices.

Unfortunately, my solution brings up another concern -- how can we be sure that the object of our affection reciprocates the sentiment? Suppose someone you knew were to simply say: "Hey, I think you're swell, would you like to go out sometime?" How would you react? I would be completely flattered (and, flabbergasted). Why can't we be this open all the time? I'll tell you why: Fear of rejection, my friend, fear of rejection. We are all so afraid that they'll laugh in our face, or worse, say yes, but secretly dread the whole experience. So, in the sprit of looking out for number one we simply bake them cookies and hope they get the hint.

Enough of this pathetic hint dropping! I herby declare that one day I shall muster up the courage to grab someone by the ears and lay one on him. Perhaps I’ll wait ‘til we’re married for that one, though.