Scandal

I was talking to InternBill tonight about my parents and I mentioned 'when they were first dating...' he said, "They held hands? *gasp*" Indicating that he believed that I thought that was scandalous. I had to tell him, "Um, you know that Mormons can hold hands, right?" "I don't know," he replied in all honesty.

I really like how he respects me enough that he doesn't want to cross my boundaries, but, on the other hand, I don't want to have to make all the moves because he's scared of violating some boundary which doesn't exist.

Also, I don't want to have to sit him down and say, "This is a good touch, that would be a bad touch." It seems a bit, um, juvenile.

The problem comes in that he's not making any moves. I don't know if he's paranoid of violating my religion or because he's not interested. But, he does say things like, "we'll have to eat at such-and-such a place." Or, "you'll have to hang out at my new place." Or, "Wanna go shopping for something totally unrelated to anything you need?"

One of my girlfriends suggested that I just kiss him, and if he reacts negatively point at him and laugh and say, "Just kidding!!! You should totally see your face!" I'm tempted, very, very tempted.

Time Well Spent?

Wednesday morning found me eating a bagel with InternBill.
Wednesday afternoon found him buying me lunch.
Wednesday evening found us deciding to go shoe shopping together. It had nothing to do with shoes.

This morning he sent me an im asking if I wanted to grab a bagel. I already ate breakfast, so I said I'd join him for company but not for bagel. As we were getting his breakfast he mentioned he should get a Costco Membership. On our way back to work what should we pass, but a Costco booth.

He decided to sign up. As we were talking to the guy signing us up the man said to InternBill, whilst motioning towards me, "and you can add her to your card, or whatever." Neither of us said anything and just let that pass. After he finished filling out the information on the application InternBill turned to me and said, "Do you want a card?" Well, it's a free membership, so I said sure. However, we had to check the box that said, "Card for additional household member" (or whatever, essentially, the secondary card for someone living in your house). He motioned towards it and threatened to tell my parents. Silly, silly man.

On our way back up to our desks he asked if I wanted to go to Costco with him tonight. So, we went to REI for shoes for me, and then Costco for supplies for him.

It's really all about spending time together and not about the activity.

Oh, and 5 hours (and dinner at a cute little Mexican place) later he finally dropped me off.

Return of the Intern

InternBill got back in town today.

I haven't spoken to him yet.

It's probably for the best.




I can hardly wait to see him even though I know he's not the right guy for me.

The Review: A Retrospective

As you might remember my performance review was less than stellar this year. I have often said it's probably best read whilst inebriated. I'm not kidding. At least that way when it makes no sense you think it's the liquor. It turns out that my manager who gave me my review was not my manager for the majority of the year, so my other manager wrote part of it. Said previous manager was horrible (so much so that he was demoted). His review was all over the map and not particularly coherent. The manager the gave me the review was pretty glowing. There were a couple of things he didn't mention until the review that I could do to improve, but, yeah, mostly good.

At the end of the day, though, my review played out like this: I got "achieves" for performance and "needs development" for leadership skills. The crazy thing? In the paragraph right above the "leadership: needs development" rating he wrote (and, no, I'm not kidding, "she has good leadership skills." Yes, I'm serious.

When I asked him about it he hedged and didn't really give me an answer. Also, my previous manager's whole "pulling me from the interview loop" (I had to harass my then-manager for explanation) boiled down to: they decided that I wouldn't do one interview. Yeah, one. And that made it on my review. And, this was never discussed with me.

When I changed bosses in April my new manager read over my review and asked me about my ratings. I explained that he should be drunk when reading it, it is all over the map, and pretty much, if he can make sense of it, I'd love to know what it all means.

Fast forward a bit. I told my (new) boss that I was looking at other opportunities within the company, and some outside, and I would keep him abreast of what was going on. Then I went to apply for an internal position.

It turns out (and this is the fun bit!) that because of my review ratings I have to get the approval of 6 (yes, six!) people in order to change teams. I emailed the boss I was interested in working with to ask him if he would consider pursuing that. He answered, frankly, that he was in favor of the rule and wouldn't, despite my indications that the review was ridiculous. The second manager I spoke with said he wasn't even positive he was going to be able to hire, so he wasn't eager to do all that work for nothing.

So, I had to go tell my boss that I would be staying on the team. Meanwhile, I expressed my confusion about the whole leadership rating business. He said he'd research it and let me know.

Fast forward a little more. I now have a new-new boss (in case you're counting that 4 bosses in 5 months). I had a meeting with my (now) previous manager, we talked about things and the review and blah blah blah. Then I had a meeting with my current manager. We talked a bit about my review, but whatever.

Today I had a meeting with my dev manager (also known as my now-previous manager (I can't keep them straight, either)). He told me that he had managed to get to the bottom of my review. After talking with HR she told him that it had everything to do with (and here she was vague enough that he didn't know what the deal was) with the free shipping issue from last November. The free shipping issue that I was assured wouldn't impact my performance review, or pay raise, or anything. My ass.

So, I got to explain that whole mess to him. And, he encouraged me to explain it to my current manager. Oh, yeah. This thing that was supposed to have been dealt with—apparently not so much.

You know the thing that really irks me about this whole thing, though, is: it isn't mentioned anywhere in my review! I'm quite pissed about the whole issue. Unfortunately, I don't know what to do to get it resolved. Clearly, I'm going to have to have a talk with my current manager. And probably HR. Good thing she loves me (sarcasm).

And, what if I get it all sorted out? Will my review be fixed? Will I be able to transfer internally without the big hullabaloo? Will I get a better pay raise or a bonus? Or, will they all just shake their heads and say, "so sorry it happened, better luck next year." ? It's not even the money, at all. It's that this issue is still cropping up, even though I was assured it was dealt with.

Man. I effing hate my company.

Professional Blogger?

As much as I know you love me...all 12 of you who read my blog...we all know that this is an intimate "my life and experiences" type blog. While recognizing that it's painfully vain, I'm totally ok with that.

However.

Today at work I was waxing eloquent on the new M. Night Shyamalan The Happening—which happens to be one of Shyamalan's worst films—when one of my coworkers said, "Have you ever thought of writing for our film blog?"

Wait, what? We have a film blog? Ok, I knew we had a film blog, but I didn't know know. Not only do we have a film blog, but two of the people on my team work with them pretty closely.

He suggested that I write it because "if [I] have an opinion on this film, [I] probably have opinions on other films." The woman who works with the blogs team said she'd mention it to the editors if I was interested.

Hmmm... this could be an interesting turn of events. Granola Girl, Tree Hugger and Vegan Extraordinaire—NOW! A professional blogger.

Weirder things have happened, I'm sure.

Like Riding a Bicycle

Everyone tells you that things are like riding a bicycle. Sure, you haven't done it in years, but once you get on the thing, it comes back to you.

Or, that's what they say.

I wouldn't really know, having never learned how to ride a bike.

However, I've decided it's time that I purchase a motorcycle or vespa type scooter for getting around on non-raining days. Except I don't know how to ride one of those, either. I decided to take a course, but soon discovered that a requirement for the classes is that you have to know how to ride a bike.

So, I've decided it's high time I really learned.

The good thing about that is: I'll probably buy a bike, then I can just jaunt around with it. Think of the money I'll save! And the exercise I'll get!

Also, I think it'll be pretty cool to know.

Facepainting Convention

This week I spent many many hours working on the Web site for the convention that Mumsy and I are putting on in September. Things are happening rapidly. I'm convinced this thing is going to happen whether we're ready for it or not!

Mumsy is doing tons of leg work, which is a nice compliment to my tech work.

Wish us luck!

Just Misplaced

I went hiking yesterday. I set out for to do a nice easy hike in Middle Fork. The directions literally included the words, "continue on 11.9 miles after the end of the pavement."

I think I did that, but I wasn't sure. Eventually both my car and I got a little tired of the pothole ridden 'road', so we pulled off at a clearly marked trail head and off I went. More pictures from the hike will follow, but here are the important (read: identifiable) landmarks from the hike.


Starting out. Hmm... doesn't look too bad.



"This looks important. Maybe it'll help me locate where I was." About 30 minutes in.


You know, when you see the trail marked in the middle of the hike you know something interesting is going on.

I carried on another 30 minutes and never found the marker for the trail I was, apparently, now, on.

Ride on That Thing

One of the boys at church who likes me rides a motorcycle.

Tonight after family home evening I saw him getting on. "When are you going to give me a ride on that thing?" I asked flirtatiously.

"Now, if you want. I have a helmet."

And ride I did. It was short, but fun. I'm going to have to go on it again. Maybe he'll get around to asking me out before InternBill gets back to town.

Somehow I doubt that very much.

Hard Knock Life

Out at dinner with a huge group this evening I over heard two people talking. Turns out that the guy who I think likes me who looks like he lived kind of a rough life—did. I won't go into it, but, holy cow!, finding religion has changed his life immensely. He was sharing this information matter-of-factly, not glorifying his past, but not sugarcoating it, either. I don't think the girl he was talking to was all that excited about it.

Gender Bending

I spent far too long today contemplating what a film would be like if after the script was finalized, and the characters cast, and the costumes designed, the director came in and said, "Ok, everyone, now, what I want you to do is find someone with the same basic physical characteristics and features as those already cast, but of the opposite gender.

And then, completely flop the gender of every single character in the film. Naturally, there would have to be some allowances made for changes. For example, the characters going to the ball will probably want to be wearing traditional gender appropriate attire. Similarly, it would be kind of silly to say "He wants me to go to his house." When the 'he' in question is now a 'she'.

As a taste of what would probably never happen, I give you Ursala, Female, and Male. Hmmm... think Disney would have made him look decidedly different if the main villain had been male?

Sermons

I realized earlier today that I do a bit of sermonizing here (though, not as much as I thought).

Since I know that's all you come here to read, there's a new section over there --> that will contain links to my talks, thoughts, sermons, etc. For now, it's rather short (surprised me, too). If there are any posts that I missed, feel free to let me know, and I'll put it/them there.

Also, if there are any subjects you'd like me to cover, ask away. Oh, and I realized that I'm missing an Easter post (like the Christmas Story). That's going to have to change. Those, however, take a really long time to put together.

Freaking Indecision

InternBill was in town for the afternoon last week. We had lunch at Pike's Market with his buddies with whom he's traveling. It was quite fun.

Fortunately, things worked out such that I didn't have to decide if I should go camping or not—I couldn't. Whew.

The fun news is: he gets back to town in 2 1/2 weeks.

I still haven't decided what I'm going to do about him. What I do know is this: he can be part of my life, whether as friend or more, but I'm still going to be doing all the church things I usually would have. So there.

I just wish he would hurry up and get back here so I can be confused with him here.

On Grace

Today's topic in Relief Society was "Grace." There are so many great things written about grace, and a number of amazing scriptures. In fact, the Bible Dictionary written by the LDS Church has a very good discussion on grace.

The teacher started out by having the following quote read aloud:
"If I were to emphasize one overarching point this morning, it would be this: I suspect that you and I are much more familiar with the nature of the redeeming power of the Atonement than we are with the enabling power of the Atonement. It is one thing to know that Jesus Christ came to earth to die for us. That is fundamental and foundational to the doctrine of Christ. But we also need to appreciate that the Lord desires, through His Atonement and by the power of the Holy Ghost, to live in us--not only to direct us but also to empower us. I think most of us know that when we do things wrong, when we need help to overcome the effects of sin in our lives, the Savior has paid the price and made it possible for us to be made clean through His redeeming power. Most of us clearly understand that the Atonement is for sinners. I am not so sure, however, that we know and understand that the Atonement is also for saints--for good men and women who are obedient and worthy and conscientious and who are striving to become better and serve more faithfully. I frankly do not think many of us "get it" concerning this enabling and strengthening aspect of the Atonement, and I wonder if we mistakenly believe we must make the journey from good to better and become a saint all by ourselves through sheer grit, willpower, and discipline, and with our obviously limited capacities."

-Elder Bednar, BYU devotional, "In the Strength of the Lord", October 23, 2001

That just lead to my friend turning to me and asking, "I always wish I understood grace better. What is it really?" I didn't have a ready answer, but as the lesson progressed I learned a few things I thought I would share with you.

Firstly, the Bible Dictionary very clearly teaches us that "grace is an enabling power that allows men and women to lay hold on eternal life and exaltation after they have expended their own best efforts." So, here we have grace is an enabling power of the atonement.

Turning to the scriptures, we have to first remember that "And I, John, saw that he received not of the fulness at the first, but received grace for grace;
And he received not of the fulness at first, but continued from grace to grace, until he received a fulness; (Doctrine & Covenants 93:12-13)." Building on this very important passage, when discussing Christ's learning we know that He grew 'from grace to grace,' so each pairing of qualities will demonstrate to us examples of things that make up grace.

Using this, turn to John 1:17 "For the law was given by Moses, but grace and truth came by Jesus Christ." Here we are taught that grace is truth.

And in Romans 5:2: "By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God." Faith is part of grace, as is rejoicing in hope.

John 1:16 teaches similar doctrine of stepping from grace to grace: "And of his fulness have all we received, and grace for grace," whereby we learn that grace is His fullness.

Back in the Book of Mormon, we read Ether 12:27: "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." Or, in other words, grace is strength

John continues, "And I, John, bear record that he received a fulness of the glory of the Father;
And he received all power, both in heaven and on earth, and the glory of the Father was with him, for he dwelt in him (Doctrine & Covenants 93:16-17)." Here John teaches us that grace is the Glory of the Father and all power, both in heaven and on earth.

So, in summation, grace, or in other words, "the enabling power of the atonement" is comprised of:
truth
faith
the Lord's fullness
strength
rejoicing in hope
the Glory of the Father
all power, both in heaven and on earth

Now I can really see how it is "by grace that we are saved, after all we can do (2 Nephi 25:23)." How could that not save us?

Addict?

Ever since I mixed up my very first batch of henna and had such great results, I fear I have become addicted to doing it.

Tragically, I have only so much skin that I can draw on before I start looking like a giant birthmark. Hmmm, that's an idea! I can cover myself in henna and pretend it's a tan!

Ok, ok, back to reality. So, yeah, I want to draw more henna designs, but I have to convince my friends to let me draw on them.