The List

I realized today that I have no idea what I want in a partner. I mean, I have things that I do and things that I do not want, but, overall, the whole enchilada? No clue.

I wonder if that's partially why I've sabotaged every relationship—or, at least, only gotten involved with someone when I knew there was no way it could possibly work out—subconsciously I know I don't have a clue what I'm looking for, and I'm protecting me from myself.

So, today I add another item to my list of must haves: Passion. He absolutely has to be passionate about something. I don't want to be with a sell-out, or someone who just goes through the motions. I want someone passionate about life, about joy, about sorrow. About being.

Good luck, eh?

It's Complicated

I picked Lurch up from the airport tonight (his girl friend is out of town for the holidays). On the ride home I caught him up on my InternBill drama. Here's the rundown for those of you just tuning in:

1. He's going on this huge road trip this summer, and has been trying to convince me to go. I told him that I have a job, but he should have fun!
2. I told him that I am thinking about asking for a transfer to our UK branch, to which he told me that I shouldn't. In fact, he told me that I should stick around so he can see me when he moves in.
3. We have a tentative date set up for some point shortly after his arrival.
4. I sent him mistletoe on facebook, to which we joked that he should try it on some other girl. "Well, maybe not..." I waffled, "that's mine. Is it going to work for me?"
"Fly out here with some mistletoe and find out!" he entreated.
"Nah. The rejection wouldn't be worth the price of the plane ticket."
5. When Mumsy and I decided that they wouldn't be coming up for the holidays I was lamenting to InternBill and said, "I may just have to take a short road trip if they don't come." His response? "A short trip? I.e. you would join me for a part of the trip :-)?" (that would be the one mentioned in item 1 above).
6. He lives very near where my sisters do. We've already decided that when I go out there for the "wedding" he and I will go out on a date. That's 4 1/2 months away.
7. Christmas day he sent me a text wishing me a Merry Christmas and inviting me on this new short road trip. I mentioned that I'll probably be convinced to go.

Later I was hanging out with Lurch and LittleBrother, who now works at a sporting goods store. I mentioned that I needed to buy a 3-person tent, probably before March. Lurch joked that I should make sure it's a small one, so small that no one could sneak in. LittleBrother (who was not privy to the early list-making) asked why. Lurch replied with "It's complicated, and kind of a long story."

I clarified, "I'm probably going camping with InternBill in March."

"Or... not that long of a story," Lurch clarified.

But, still complicated. Why, why, why am I letting him become a problem?!

Road Trip/Backpacking

InternBill has decided to go on a road/backpacking trip in March. He has also decided that I should come. He's going to Arches and then Yellowstone National parks. I'm very tempted. Very.

Since, you know, my life needs more drama.

Have I mentioned that things with InternBill could get complicated? 'Cause, yeah, he's working on complicating things.

The Christmas Story

(as told by the Prophets)

Therefore the Lord himself shall give you a sign; Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel. (Isaiah 7:14)

Which being interpreted is, God with us. (Matthew 1:23)

And it came to pass that I looked and beheld the great city of Jerusalem, and also other cities. And I beheld the city of Nazareth; and in the city of Nazareth I beheld a virgin, and she was exceedingly fair and white.

And it came to pass that I saw the heavens open; and an angel came down and stood before me; and he said unto me: Nephi, what beholdest thou?

And I said unto him: A virgin, most beautiful and fair above all other virgins.
1 Nephi 11:13-15

And in the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God unto a city of Galilee, named Nazareth,

To a virgin espoused to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David; and the virgin’s name was Mary.

And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou that art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women.

And when she saw him, she was troubled at his saying, and cast in her mind what manner of salutation this should be.

And the angel said unto her, Fear not, Mary: for thou hast found favour with God.

And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name JESUS.

He shall be great, and shall be called the Son of the Highest: and the Lord God shall give unto him the throne of his father David:

And he shall reign over the house of Jacob for ever; and of his kingdom there shall be no end.

Then said Mary unto the angel, How shall this be, seeing I know not a man?

And the angel answered and said unto her, The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee, and the power of the Highest shall overshadow thee: therefore also that holy thing which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God.

For with God nothing shall be impossible.

And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word. And the angel departed from her.

And Mary arose in those days, and went into the hill country with haste, into a city of Juda;

And entered into the house of Zacharias, and saluted Elisabeth.

And it came to pass, that, when Elisabeth heard the salutation of Mary, the babe leaped in her womb; and Elisabeth was filled with the Holy Ghost:

And she spake out with a loud voice, and said, Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb. (Luke 1:26-35, 37-42)

Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost.

Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a publick example, was minded to put her away privily.

But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost.

And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS: for he shall save his people from their sins. (Matthew 1:18-21)

And behold, this will I give unto you for a sign at the time of his coming; for behold, there shall be great lights in heaven, insomuch that in the night before he cometh there shall be no darkness, insomuch that it shall appear unto man as if it was day.

Therefore, there shall be one day and a night and a day, as if it were one day and there were no night; and this shall be unto you for a sign; for ye shall know of the rising of the sun and also of its setting; therefore they shall know of a surety that there shall be two days and a night; nevertheless the night shall not be darkened; and it shall be the night before he is born.

And behold, there shall a new star arise, such an one as ye never have beheld; and this also shall be a sign unto you.

And behold this is not all, there shall be many signs and wonders in heaven. (Helaman 14:3-6)

And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed.

(And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)

And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.

And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)

To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.(Luke 2:1-5)

Behold, the voice of the Lord came unto him, saying:

Lift up your head and be of good cheer; for behold, the time is at hand, and on this night shall the sign be given, and on the morrow come I into the world, to show unto the world that I will fulfil all that which I have caused to be spoken by the mouth of my holy prophets.

Behold, I come unto my own, to fulfil all things which I have made known unto the children of men from the foundation of the world, and to do the will, both of the Father and of the Son—of the Father because of me, and of the Son because of my flesh. And behold, the time is at hand, and this night shall the sign be given.

And it came to pass that the words which came unto Nephi were fulfilled, according as they had been spoken; for behold, at the going down of the sun there was no darkness; and the people began to be astonished because there was no darkness when the night came.

And there were many, who had not believed the words of the prophets, who fell to the earth and became as if they were dead, for they knew that the great plan of destruction which they had laid for those who believed in the words of the prophets had been frustrated; for the sign which had been given was already at hand.

And they began to know that the Son of God must shortly appear; yea, in fine, all the people upon the face of the whole earth from the west to the east, both in the land north and in the land south, were so exceedingly astonished that they fell to the earth.

For they knew that the prophets had testified of these things for many years, and that the sign which had been given was already at hand; and they began to fear because of their iniquity and their unbelief.

And it came to pass that there was no darkness in all that night, but it was as light as though it was mid-day. And it came to pass that the sun did rise in the morning again, according to its proper order; and they knew that it was the day that the Lord should be born, because of the sign which had been given.

And it had come to pass, yea, all things, every whit, according to the words of the prophets.

And it came to pass also that a new star did appear, according to the word. (3 Nephi 1:12-21)

And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.

And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn. (Luke 2:6-7)

And I looked and beheld the virgin again, bearing a child in her arms.

And the angel said unto me: Behold the Lamb of God, yea, even the Son of the Eternal Father! (1 Nephi 11:20-21)

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.(Luke 2:8-14)

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.

Of the increase of his government and peace there shall be no end, upon the throne of David, and upon his kingdom, to order it, and to establish it with judgment and with justice from henceforth even for ever. The zeal of the LORD of hosts will perform this. (Isaiah 9:6-7)

And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.

And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.

And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.

And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.

But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart. (Luke 2:15-19)

And when the days of her purification according to the law of Moses were accomplished, they brought him to Jerusalem, to present him to the Lord;

And, behold, there was a man in Jerusalem, whose name was Simeon; and the same man was just and devout, waiting for the consolation of Israel: and the Holy Ghost was upon him.

And it was revealed unto him by the Holy Ghost, that he should not see death, before he had seen the Lord’s Christ.

And he came by the Spirit into the temple: and when the parents brought in the child Jesus, to do for him after the custom of the law,

Then took he him up in his arms, and blessed God, and said,

Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, according to thy word:

For mine eyes have seen thy salvation,

Which thou hast prepared before the face of all people;

A alight to lighten the Gentiles, and the glory of thy people Israel.

And Joseph and his mother marvelled at those things which were spoken of him.

And Simeon blessed them, and said unto Mary his mother, Behold, this child is set for the fall and rising again of many in Israel; and for a sign which shall be spoken against;

(Yea, a sword shall pierce through thy own soul also,) that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.

And there was one Anna, a prophetess, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Aser: she was of a great age, and had lived with an husband seven years from her virginity;

And she was a widow of about fourscore and four years, which departed not from the temple, but served God with fastings and prayers night and day.

And she coming in that instant gave thanks likewise unto the Lord, and spake of him to all them that looked for redemption in Jerusalem. (Luke 2:22, 25-38)

Now when Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judaea in the days of Herod the king, behold, there came wise men from the east to Jerusalem,

Saying, Where is he that is born King of the Jews? for we have seen his star in the east, and are come to worship him.

When Herod the king had heard these things, he was troubled, and all Jerusalem with him.

And when he had gathered all the chief priests and scribes of the people together, he demanded of them where Christ should be born.

And they said unto him, In Bethlehem of Judaea: for thus it is written by the prophet,

And thou Bethlehem, in the land of Juda, art not the least among the princes of Juda: for out of thee shall come a Governor, that shall rule my people Israel.

Then Herod, when he had privily called the wise men, enquired of them diligently what time the star appeared.

And he sent them to Bethlehem, and said, Go and search diligently for the young child; and when ye have found him, bring me word again, that I may come and worship him also.

When they had heard the king, they departed; and, lo, the star, which they saw in the east, went before them, till it came and stood over where the young child was.

When they saw the star, they rejoiced with exceeding great joy.

And when they were come into the house, they saw the young child with Mary his mother, and fell down, and worshipped him: and when they had opened their treasures, they presented unto him gifts; gold, and frankincense, and myrrh. (Matthew 2:1-11)

It's interesting to note that "many different theories of the meaning and symbolism of the gifts have been advanced, since while gold is fairly obviously explained, frankincense, and particularly myrrh, are much more obscure. They generally break down into two groups:

* That they are all ordinary gifts for a king — myrrh being commonly used as an anointing oil, frankincense as a perfume, and gold as a valuable.
* That they are prophetic — gold as a symbol of kingship on earth, frankincense (an incense) as a symbol of priestship, and myrrh (an embalming oil) as a symbol of death. Sometimes this is described more generally as gold symbolizing virtue, frankincense symbolizing prayer, and myrrh symbolizing suffering. John Chrysostom suggested that the gifts were fit to be given not just to a king but to God(wikipedia)."

I would suggest it both.

At this time of year as we reflect on the true meaning of Christmas before returning to the hustle and bustle of gift giving, pause for a moment and ponder on the gifts given to Christ from the wise men, and, far more importantly, the gifts given to us from our Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. (John 3:16-18)

3 Questions

Beep.

Are you up?

Yup. What's up?

I want to know 3 things. How to be smart. How to get passionate about stuff. How to solve problems. I need suggestions.

I had no idea how to respond. I certainly don't think I'm the most qualified person to be answering those questions. Though, as I thought about it, I got rather flattered, I mean, by asking me she was essentially saying that she thinks I possess these qualities. Wow.

I gave her the best advice I could: Get passionate: find something that resonates within you and embrace it.

What else could I say?

Distant Cousins

There are always parts of your extended family you wish were more distant than they actually are. For me, I've long struggled with the entitled nature of many of my Native brothers and sisters living on Indian land/reservations. What the early US Government did to the Native peoples was horrible, and (in many cases) constitutes war crimes, or, at the very least, crimes against humanity. As a result of this there are many Federally funded programs targeted specifically at making reparations. For some people those reparations aren't good enough. Today I'm not going to talk about the entitlement problem as I see it pre se, rather, I shall address the item that is making the rounds in the newspapers today.

As you've no doubt heard by now, representatives from the Lakota Indian tribe declared themselves free and sovereign from the United States of America this morning. They cited numerous (33) treaties that the US Government has violated as basis for their succession. (USA Today)

I'd be lying if told you that my first reaction was anything other than a well timed snort. Really? Sovereignty?

As much as I hate to say it: I'd love to see the Sovereign Nation of Lakota survive without the loads of money that we (the United States) pour into their pockets on a monthly basis.

The average Native living on a reservation is on many forms of government assistance ranging from Welfare to Social Security. Without that money, and no taxes, one wonders where they'll get their income (assuming that they will probably remain reliant upon the US to purchase their food, electricity, water, gas, phone lines, etc). Surely casinos can't support the entire populous of the reservation (assuming that this is their planned main source of income).

I'm sure the US Government's reaction (if pressed to react at all) will involve simply cutting the apron strings. Something to the effect of, "You live under my roof and eat my food (or, you know, take my money), you live by my rules." A quick, sudden cut off of finances and they'll change their tune post haste.

Also, as with any nation there are visa and travel issues. To travel between Lakota-land and the US all residents will be required to pass through boarder check points. The US could simply declare an embargo on Lakota-land (think: Cuba), and US citizens will be unable to travel there (guarded, naturally, by the brand-spanking new boarder check points we erect)--which means: no casino dollars.

The financial blow in and of itself will be too great to withstand. They'll be undeclaring their un-sovereignty before supper-time. The true question then becomes: what horrible things could the US extract from them on condition of re-joining the US? They thought the original treaties were bad—wait until the current administration gets to draft this set. Actually, this could be really great for the US financially--think of all the money we'll save on welfare, food stamps, social security, and university tuition. Nice!

This move is akin to a 5 year old running away. Sure, they'll get to eat cookies before bedtime, but without anyone to bake the cookies, tuck them in, or a bed to sleep in, what do they really get for their efforts?

This is an activist movement to say the least, one which none of the organizers seriously expects to hold. However, this leads us to a bigger question: what happens in the future? Where does this move take us?

One Hot Irishman Coming Right Up

InternBill and I have a long standing joke: he's looking for a cougar to be his sugar mama. The joke has gone on since sometime mid-summer.

Always at the fringe, and never mentioned, is the fact that I'm 7 years his senior, and gainfully employed. This tidbit has been an important underlying factor to our joke: it only serves to make the flirtatious tension between us worse.

Last month after my recruiting trip when I sat next to a highly attractive Irishman for the flight home, and loudly proclaimed my lust in the general direction of InternBill, we added a new inside joke: Granola is looking for a hot Irishman with a sexy brogue. One can always dream, can't she?

Today I made a startling discovery: InternBill is part Irish. Which adds new nuanced humor to our inside jokes. I made this discovery whilst chatting him up. I promptly informed him that I was partially embarrassed as a month's worth of jokes suddenly took on new meaning.

He laughed, but didn't disagree.

Handel's Messiah

I went to see Handel's Messiah last night. Stunning, as always. One thing that was particularly interesting: the conductor turned and motioned to the audience immediately prior to the orchestra playing Hallelujah. I've never seen that before. It was actually quite nice. Different, but nice.

On The Chior, and Preaching to It

This month's Relief Society message is on charity. Specifically: "Being an Instrument in the Hands of the Lord by Showing Charity."

In the middle of receiving the lesson today my Visiting Teacher told me, "I feel like giving you a lesson is charity is like taking salt to Israel." She said some other really nice things (including, something about giving ice to Eskimos and preaching to the choir), but that's not the point. The point here is what?! Honestly, I don't feel as if I do enough or give enough (time, talent, or money). In fact, I was thinking the other day about how I really need to figure out a way to combine my skills with charity work. I mean, it's not like I can go to a third world country and do tech support for them, and iHackCharities.org doesn't really have anything for me to do now.

I have got to figure it out soon, or I may go nuts. Anyone know a good way to donate brain power? I'd love to start local.

Third Time: Not a Charm

Last Sunday my friend who was going to play with me in church today canceled—we hadn't practiced together, and I had a feeling that she didn't think I could pull it off. Oh well. I felt bad for canceling, and the music chairwoman was not thrilled, since almost everyone who initially said they'd be contributing backed down. Sad day. I guess I felt bad enough, because when she suggested that I play the song we picked out as a solo I turned her down (the cello part was accompaniment, by itself it would have sucked), but went and found a song I could play with relative ease.

Today I played "O Come, O Come Emanuel". It was beautiful—minus a really bad note very early in the song. I played through it, but I really wanted to start again.

Afterwards I was talking to a friend who reassured me that minus that note, I was right on key, and didn't get out of rhythm. In fact, that note was right in rhythm. Too bad I landed on the wrong string, eh?

One of these days I won't suck.

Oh, funny bit? I made an ugly face when it happened, and immediately had to remove all emotion from my face. The ward pianist always makes ugly faces when she screws up, so she definitely enjoyed that from me.

One day... one day...

Because You're Single

One of my girlfriends told me the other day, "Granola, you're always talking about how single you are—and, I'm not saying anything—you might consider ldsmingle.com. Nanny has had great success, and it might work for you." (Nanny's engaged to a be married to a guy she met online in March next year.)

Excellent. Not only am I single, I should now be desperate. No, thanks, I'll pass. I don't mind being single, I do mind, however, advertising myself like so much of a commodity.

Rebekah

For Christmas this year the Bishopric in my ward gave me a print of this painting (Rebekah at the Well). It's beautiful, and meaningful—it just doesn't go with my decor. I have no idea where I'm going to put it, but I feel bad not putting it up at all. Maybe the kitchen. Then again, maybe my bedroom. The point of this picture was to remind me to constantly strive to be the most morally upright person I can be, I imagine it'd be hard to misbehave with that reminder staring you in the face. Then again, I really don't want to have to find out.

Interview With a Liberal

I strolled into institute at 8:40 this evening. Class starts at 7, and ends at 9. I usually try to show up a bit after 7 (due in large part to my major dislike to the instructor). Tonight I had a better excuse: the missionaries asked me to accompany them for a discussion with an investigator, then I had to practice my cello. By the time I got there we had a blissful 20 minutes left.

As class was ended the teacher announced that a reporter from the Seattle Times was there hoping to speak with students about Mitt Romney and our feelings regarding his campaign. We were asked to "be nice, well, be yourselves."

I was standing in the foyer chatting with some friends when she asked if she could interrupt and ask us some questions about the campaign. She asked, and I answered away. She took my info, and I gave her a lot of quotes. Where by "a lot" I mean, she actually said, "Wow, this is good...You're really eloquent." I can't remember what all I said, but I think it'll be in the paper on Thursday. I'll let you know if I said anything memorable.

She did ask if I'm voting for him, to which I replied, "No, but I wish him the best of luck!" we all laughed.

Oh, The Weather Outside is Frightful

It snowed today, and that was most wonderful. I love the snow, it makes me happy, and reminds me of happy times in my childhood.

When I was a kid we didn't have mittens or gloves, but we did have an urgent desire to play in the snow. Undaunted, my enterprising mother came up with a perfectly workable solution: we were to put socks over our hands as mittens. Tube socks worked the best. The colder it was outside, the more pairs of 'mittens' that were required. More than 2 pairs of socks made it hard to play in the snow, any less, and you just got too cold too fast. One huge benefit that you get with socks rather than mittens: when they got too wet you could simply change and replace with new, fresh, dry socks.

Now, I have water resistant gloves. Not as fly as tube sock mittens, but monumentally easier to build a snowgirl.