Poem

We joined another ward for their annual poetry slam for Family Home Evening tonight. I was sitting next to a friend of mine who is a programmer for another massive corporation here in the Pacific North West. He also happens to be a huge Micro$oft fan. We frequently argue about Linux vs Windows. Why? Because we can.

Tonight at the slam Lurch told me I should write a poem in "That one form of Hebrew poetry where the two ideas converge in the middle."

"A chiasm?"

"Yeah, that."

My (other) geek friend said to me, "No, you should write one in pseudo-code! In C++!"

Well, I took that as a dare, and set to work.

Here's what we ended up with.

Linux != Winders

cout << "no one can serve 2 Operating Systems \n";
     cout << "ls -l \n";
          cout << "grep \n";
               cout << "Linux r0x0rz my s0x0rz \n";
          cout << "findstr? \n";
     cout << "dir? \n";
cout << "for they can only hate the latter.\n";

This is read thusly:

Linux bang-equals Winders

see-out no one can serve 2 Operating Systems. slash n.
see-out ls dash l. slash n.
see-out grep. slash n.
see-out Linux rocks-orz my socks-orz. slash n. semi-colon.
see-out find stir? slash n.
see-out dir? slash n.
see-out for they can only hate the latter. slash n.

Trust me. It was hilarious.
The three of us, and the hyper-nerd from the other ward, laughed our butts off. Many of my friends enjoyed it as well, even though they didn't fully get it.

Near Death Experience

I almost died this morning on my way to work.

Seriously!!

I was riding the "short but" to the park and ride like every morning. I sat in my usual seat sideways talking to the people who always sit on the back bench. This has been my normal routine for the past many months. This morning, was slightly differnt. At one point the road the bus was on intersects with another road. The intersecting road is actually the freeway off ramp. So, imagine with me, if you will the following scene:

           off-ramp
            | |  |
            | v  |
            |(T) |
------------     ------------

     Bus ->
------------     ------------
            |    |
            |    |
            |    |

I looked out the window of the bus at the off-ramp and saw a dump truck (T) moving at approximatly 60 miles an hour (you know, as it was coming off the freeway). I was exreamly surprised since neither the bus nor the truck appeared to be slowing down. The bus had to make a right-handed turn, which put us directly infront of the fast moving truck. As we were making the turn I thought to myself, "Gee, I hope that truck slows down, or he's going to run his red light." It quickly became apparent that the truck did not have a red light. The truck had to slam on his breaks, and, not surprisingly, slammed on his horn. Out the back window I saw the front grille of the dump truck. It came about 3-5 feet from the rear of the bus. My jaw dropped as I said, "Ohmygosh! We were almost hit!" My bus companions asked for the details of what had just transpired, and turned to see how close the truck was to us. By that time it was far away, but I was still more than a little distressed.

One of the guys on the bus said he was going to call Metro Tansit and compalin, I contemplated it, and still might. I saw him again on the ride home, he had apparently told the other people waiting with him about our adventure this morning. He said he told them, "that your jaw totally dropped open." Then he demonstraited, he opened his mouth wide—then reassured me that I looked totally petrified. Well, duh! We almost died!

So, yeah, scary, but at least we weren't actually hit. I'd rather scared that injured.

Restaurant Regular

Tonight I went shopping at the mall and ended up at my regular restaurant for dinner. My usual waiter was serving me, and came up to me and gave me a hug. As I was leaving he hugged me again. Wow. I think I'm too much of a regular there.

Missionary Moments

Monday night for Family Home Evening we baked brownies and took them to the members of our ward who haven't been in a while. Fun service project. Our lesson coordinated with the activity—Sister Bishop taught a lesson about missionary work. The Elders gave us all Pass-along Cards to hand out. One of the guys there suggested that we each hand out at least one card this week, then next week talk about it. We took up the challenge, and I upped the ante by exclaiming: "The girls are totally going to school the guys!" He retaliated, "It's on!!"

The only problem? Who on Earth do I give a pass-along card to?

Tonight as I was driving I took the wrong exit, so ended up at the wrong end of the mall. As I was making the correcting turn I saw a woman standing next to hear car parked on the side of the busy road, right off the freeway off-ramp. I have a personal rule that goes thus: If I ever see a woman at the side of the road obviously needing help, no matter what (unless I think she might kill me) I stop and offer my help.

Naturally I pulled over. She had a flat tire, and wasn't sure how to jack up the car and change it. I offered to help, and she said thanks, but she had help coming. I told her that we should just do it anyway, that way she could be on her way sooner, and, anyway, who knows how long it was going to take her sister's boyfriend (it turns out) to get there, since it was the end of rush hour. We got the tire changed, and just as we were lowering the car to tighten the lug nuts her friend arrived.

She thanked me so much for my help and asked if she could give me money or anything for my help. I told her no, that was ok, I was just living my manta. Then, as I was about to leave, I asked her, "Can I give you something? I know this is kind of cheesy, but I want to give you this. I'm Mormon, and..." she paused me, "Oh, my friend who works at InternetCompany and his family is Mormon." So, I asked her if I could give it to her, she took it, and thanked me, and I left.

So, I did it. I felt totally hokey, but, I did it. Weirdness.

Fine Arts Event

The Institute of Religion had a fine arts evening tonight. I was asked to participate by taking some paintings. After a lot of effort I managed to get some pieces in my car and over to the stake center. The set up took some time, but I was sure that it would be worth it. After I finished set up I went to the Chapel where everyone was gathered. They asked those of us who had brought something to stand up and tell everyone what we brought. I took my turn and announced what I brought.

Then, we went to the Cultural Hall. Many people gathered around and admired my art work, and asked a bunch of questions. It was quite fun. At one point someone asked if I sold my art work and I said, yes, a little bit, if people want to buy them, I'll sell 'em. In honesty, I had one piece commissioned, but ended up giving it to her, rather than charging her. It kind of sounded like they were interested in potentially buying something.

Afterwards the Bishop and his wife asked me if they had heard me correctly when I said I would sell some my art. I told them "yes." Then Sister Bishop asked me about one of the pieces I brought, "Would you sell that one?" No! I said, laughing. Not that one, I'm too attached to it. But, if the price was right I'd sell the others. The way they said it, it almost seemed as if the they were interested in actually buying it. Frankly, I can't blame them, it's really a cool piece. grin

Evil Empire Revisited

A friend of mine works for the Evil Empire. He talked about setting me up with an interview. I could do that. Not that I want the job there, and, frankly, I have to stick with InternetCompany for another year anyway, but I wouldn't object to being able to tell my boss that I have to take a personal day, because I'm interviewing over there. Why on earth would I do that? Simple: we're in the middle of annual reviews, and everyone knows: annual reviews = pay raises and bonuses.

Bwahahaaaaaa!!!!!!!!

Curiosity

I woke up this morning peacefully and gradually with the sun — the perfect Indian Summer. I love waking up like that after a long night's sleep. I always feel so rejuvenated and revived. On mornings like this I have two potentially conflicting desires: (1) Get up and go hiking! or (2) Paint.

Sunny days are perfect for both activities. I really wanted to go hiking, but I needed to work on a painting for the Fine Arts evening I'm participating in for Institute.

I decided to paint today. The only problem I currently have is that the best room light-wise to paint in is my bedroom. I prefer to paint in the living room (thus avoiding unwanted and totally preventable headaches). As I was painting I had just about finished one picture when I ran out of yellow ocher. I had some of a different brand and decided to use it. Bad choice. It was far too dark, a totally different shade. So, off to the paint store I rushed. I think I forgot to mention: I basically rolled out of bed and put on my painting clothes, I was far from presentable. So, before I headed out I threw on a pair of jeans and bushed my teeth. I left the painting shirt and apron on, however.

When I got to the art store I headed straight for the paintbrushes and paints, one of the clerks came up to me to offer assistance, she took quick stock of me and said, "You look like you know what you're doing. Is there anything I can help you find?" I smiled, how could I not?

I ended up buying one paint brush (which I knew I was going to buy anyway) and a large tube of paint. I've never purchased such a large tube (200 mL), but, then, I've started painting monstrously large canvases, so I need more paint these days.

After I came home and finished the painting I had to run out to my car. One of my neighbors and her father were out there blowing soap bubbles. It was so precious to watch her enthusiasm and wonder as she discovered the bubbles. Her father asked if I wanted to have a turn. I joined in.

They asked me what I was working on, as I was still wearing the apron. I told them I was painting. The little girl asked what I was painting on and I contemplated just telling her "paper", but then I stopped myself. Why deny her the opportunity to learn? "Canvas" I told her. She asked what that was, and I tried to explain it. Then I said, "Do you want to see?" (Her father seemed very interested in what I was painting anyway.) She jumped at the chance, and into my apartment they came. I showed her paintings and canvases and hanging wire. She was soaking it all in. At one point she asked me what something was and her father said, "You'll be at this all day." I smiled, "I don't mind."

I wonder how many times we (as society) retard insatiable childhood curiosity because we are too busy, too tired, too whatever to keep answering questions. I'm sure when I get around to having children I'll probably fall into the same trap, but I can hope I don't, can't I?

I can also hope that I remain as curious.

The Teapot

I decided to do dinner on Saturday with Nanny and Sweetheart, even though I really wasn't feeling it. I decided that I need to extend myself a little bit.

When I got to their house Nanny announced it was my choice, but she wanted sticky rice, so probably Asin. Unfortunatly, I wasn't feeling like Asin food. What I really wanted was good Vegan food. Let's face it, it was my birthday celebration, and I didn't want to go somewhere that I had to search the whole menu for an option, or sub-this and hold-that.

So, I hit google.

What I found was The Teapot. A, if you can believe it vegan/kosher/parve pan-Asin restaurant. Frankly, my dear, I think that works for all of us.

You know what delighted me? Four pages of menu, and knowing I could order anything I wanted! We had a blast and I even had vegan cheesecake. I am looking forward to going back!!

Tragically, Nanny got a stomach ache. I think it was all in her head. Who gets stomach aches from not eating meat?

Understandably, I think, I wasn't too disappointed when she had to leave to go do something with some other friends. I'd rather not spend the evening with someone who fakes a stomach ache instead of just annoucing that they'd rather have meat thankyouverymuch.

I'm so sick of her drama! Grrr!

Because, Apparently, I Like Torture

I needed to borrow a mitre saw, so I asked Musician, who is renovating his house, if he had one I could borrow. He said yes, but I had to use it at his place. No worries, where would I use it at mine? After a series of disconnects we decided that I would go over to his place tonight and use it. Then, as always happens, I remembered I was feeding the Elders tonight. I told him and he suggested I bring take-out and the missionaries and meld the two. I object to take-out, so I decided to cook, take it over there, and feed the elders, and him. It worked out that Nurse was going to be there too. (I think because she doesn't trust me. I don't blame her.)

Oh, how fun! I'm cooking dinner for the Elders, the guy I like, and the woman he's dating. I can think of nothing less pleasant.

I cooked this dinner that I made up last night. I call it (in case you missed it): Mushroom Asparagus Deliciousness, and, it was.

Aside from the standard, "This is really good, Granola," compliments my favorite one was from Musician, "This is a great blend of different spices. I like it." Later we were discussing the fat content to the dressing I brought. Musician said to Nurse (as she was the one who brought it up) "that's probably the only fat in the whole meal." I agreed, and when I got home tonight I checked. That was pretty much true.

I think people are really impressed and surprised when someone can cook a meal without meat and have it be good and satiating.

Before I decided to add the mushrooms I was talking to my brother about it. "The meal is missing something." I complained.

His solution? "Yeah, a 6 oz steak." Thanks.

Oh, and I got all the wood I took with me cut. Tragically, I didn't buy enough, so I'll have to get some more and go hang out with Musician and Nurse again some other night.

Update

Just so you know, Mumsy, I updated my kitchen blog today. Nanner, nanner, boo, boo.

Plans

Nanny and Sweetheart and I haven't really been hanging out much lately. They moved in together and don't really seem to need a third person.

Actually, I hadn't really noticed all that much. Correction: I noticed, but I've been a little too self-involved to care too much. Well, on Saturday I called them up to hang out, but they were already doing something together. Um... ok...

Sunday they left church early, and didn't even say goodbye.

Monday, Sweetheart text messaged me to tell me she wouldn't be coming to FHE, and when I told her that I wasn't going to be there either she said, "I was wanting you to know so ya felt special..." Um... okay then. Then Tuesday I was talking to her about a promotion she got, and she said, "Yeah, I sent you a text so you would know, 'cause I wanted you to feel like you're here." or something to that effect. Basically, it suddenly dawned on her that she and Nanny have been ignoring me for the past month and a half.

MapGuy asked them about it last week, and I have a feeling he may have pushed the issue a little much, 'cause I'm starting to feel like a project.

This evening Nanny called me up to tell me that they are picking me up at 11am Saturday and I should dress for the weather and pack a sack lunch. That's great, except I have a meeting for church at 8 am, and I have no idea how long that will go, and then I'm supposed to go over to the bishop's house at 1 for some Relief Society stuff. I appreciate the thought (I guess, well, actually, too tell you the truth, it feels like it just occurred to them that they screwed this one up, big time, and are trying to desperately make up for it), but I already have plans. I suppose I could skip out on going to the Bishop's, but that was one thing that I had already planned on. OH! And I was planning on spending the rest of my Saturday 'arting'. How am I supposed to do that if I'm out gallivanting across the country-side with a couple of girls who asked me out only to calm the pangs of guilt that suddenly built up?

Not that I'm bitter or anything. Actually, I'm more annoyed at becoming a 'project' than I was at being ignored. Ignored I can handle, projects just piss me off.

Greenpeace

As I was rushing to the bus this evening a rather cute young man approached me and asked if I had a minute to help Greenpeace stop global warming. I told him, thanks, but no, I'm not the biggest fan the Greenpeace. He asked why I felt that way, and so I answered, "Um, domestic terrorism." Impressively, he didn't seem overly taken back, instead he said, "Why? We're not ELF, or (some other group, I forget, currently). We participate only in civil disobedience, not violence." He went on for a bit, but I had to run, so I thanked him, and told him that I still hate on Greenpeace. As I left him he called after me, "God loves you!" I replied, "I know He does!" I should have said, "He loves you, too!" but, I didn't.

Oh, and I came home and googled Greenpeace, seems they really are still all about civil disobedience, which is a methodology I can get behind. So, now, I have to rethink my hating on 'em. One thing though: global warming? Scientists can't even agree to what extent humans are actually impacting it. Sheesh.

If I see the cute activist again, I might just have to pause and strike up another conversation with him.

Trifecta

Yesterday I was sitting at the beloved Cafe Rio in dear, dear Provo, and eavesdropping on two BYU Marriage Prep majors whine about their professors. One young woman was complaining about her slightly Liberal instructor, "He's a such a socialist! I mean, he's all, 'hug a tree' and 'save the whales'! In fact, that should be his trifecta: 'Hug a tree, save a whale.'"

I had to actually stop myself from turning around and demanding to hear her explanation on what is so wrong about hugging trees and saving whales? Oh, yeah, and 'trifecta'? I don't think that word means what you think it means honey. First off, even if you have no clue what the word really means all you have to do is look at it for three seconds to guess at the following: tri-, meaning, three, uh, you have only two, you're missing one. Secondly, it's a bet. One can't bet "Hug a tree, save a whale," unless you're betting that those are his top two priorities in life, and in that order. In which case, it would be your trifecta. That is, if you had another priority to make it three. This way it's just a difecta, and I don't think those will get you much on the horse track.

trifecta: n - a type of bet, especially on horse races, in which the bettor must select the first three finishers in exact order. (dictionary.com)

Broken Glasses

Yet another dream I've had recently:

The only bit I remember at all was that my right glasses lens was broken. Not standard "broken glasses" broken, but rather broken at the top and the bottom, leaving a rectangular stripe in the middle unbroken. I was looking through the unbroken bit, and was struggling to not focus on the jagged edges.

Funny, Odd, Weird Dream

I had a dream last night that my group of friends were hanging out at Engineer's house watching a movie. It wasn't the best movie, so when Engineer asked me to help him fix his computer in the middle of it I didn't really have any problems leaving to do so.

I followed him into the den where his computer was sitting. He closed the door behind me, then said, slightly nervously, "I don't know if I'm doing this right." Then he kissed me. Not just a little kiss, but a full-on kiss! And, I kissed him right back!!

Ekkkkkk!!!!!!!!! Nevermind the fact that I'm, like, a decade older than any woman he has ever gone out with. Funny, and frightening at the same time.

I've been dreaming a lot lately.

Multi-tasking

Last night, despite my initial inclination to skip it, I decided to go to Musician's concert. A group of 8 people, a stop off in downtown Seattle, and a couple missed turns later we pulled up infront of the venue. Tragically, there was no band. We ended up going to another restaurant for dinner. We had a great time and ended up at Engineer's house watching a The Lady in the Water.

Today I called Musician to give him crap for failing to give me the memo. He answered, but said he was in the middle of something and could he call me back. I said sure, and he returned my call 5 hours later. One interesting thing is: he doesn't usually answer his phone if he's busy. I guess he wanted to talk to me at some level. Hmmm.

Anyway, he called me back and I could hear him eating. I could also hear someone else (whom I could only assume to be Nurse) in the background. He confirmed my "suspicions" when he announced he was eating take-out. "I can hear." I replied. "Who are you with?"

"The infamous Nurse."

I then gave him a little grief about two things: (A) Failing to let me know that they no longer have said standing gig; and (2) Taking on the phone while eating and hanging out with his girl friend, becuase the latter is just rude. He responded by asking if he should be rude to me and hang up? I told him yes, but she said to put me on speaker. He did, though I could hardly hear her. We exchanged pleasantries, then I hung up.

Man! That boy, I tell ya...

Lunch Concert

I went to the lunch concert today. I was planning on going, and I had been wanting to go all week. More importantly, I had been wanting to go alone all week. I was afraid one of my coworkers would want to join me, and, frankly, I was hoping to be able to talk Musician into grabbing a bite to eat afterwards. I haven't talked to him in a while, I mean really talked. I'm not sure if that's because things have (obviously) changed between us, or if Nurse has voiced some objections (not that I could possibly fault her for so doing).

So, there I was, sitting at my desk, minding my own business when, lo and behold, one of my coworkers came up to me, "Hey there, Granola. Up for some lunch-time music?" I couldn't possibly refuse. Off we went. I, of course, saw Musician, but was unable to say much more than "hello" and inquire as to what he has been up to of late. Oh, I also, once again, offered to help him out with his house project (he's flipping it, so I don't plan on helping all that much, but I wouldn't mind occasionally lending a hand). He thanked me for my offer, and told me that he would be hosting a painting party soon enough.

In other, totally related news, I wasn't going to go to his gig tomorrow night, but the plans just kind of made themselves around me, so I guess I'm going. Next month, however, unless Nurse is magically out of the picture, I shall certainly not be going, even if it means I'm sitting home alone. I think I need to not go a time or two so that Nurse stops thinking of me as a threat. Again, not that I can possibly fault her.